One Hot Betty

I wanted to thank the beautiful Buford Betty for putting my little ad widget on her fabulous site, Make Room for Style, for all the hip mommas out there. I have decided to bite the bullet and try advertising in order to get the word out about myself as an Independent Stylist. I am trying to do that in as many free ways as possible, like advertising on my friends webpages and joining local Mommies sites. I have also decided to do some local magazine and online advertising in CLT and RDU. It is so different being on the other side as a client rather than the advertising sales rep. It also makes me realize how much I miss being out in the field and interacting with clients. J has a few leads on new positions that will hopefully get us to RDU sooner rather than later. Let's just hope that there will still be job opportunities for me when we get there. Unless I get this Stella & Dot business off the ground and bringing in some serious income, I will have to go to work to cover the daycare costs alone once we move. It is crazy expensive! I really don't know how people pay for multiple children in daycare - it would be like two decent-sized mortgage payments. Man, how did my parents do it? You appreciate your parents so much more once you pop out a baby. Really, I have always loved them, but now I am just amazed at all they have done for me and my sis - and I marvel out how they did it all. Thanks Mom and Dad for being so freakin' awesome!

And a big PS - if any of my lovely blog friends would allow me to put a little ad widget on your site, I'd be forever grateful! Hint, hint....

Wussup

Wow, can't believe it's been weeks since I posted! Lots going on here - still waging sippy war with Ben at home (argh!); Ben has started daycare two days a week (drama!); my Stella & Dot business is taking off much slower than I'd like (stress!); and we are still moving at a snail's pace when it comes to making the move to RDU.

Ben started daycare a few weeks ago, and is not loving it. I am loving the free time to focus on my new business venture, clean the house a bit, and breathe - however it is laced with guilt. Every time J drops him off in the morning, he clings and cries and screams. This is why I do not drop him off. Mommy would cry. Although it may be worse because J is the "favorite" parent right now, and Ben never wants to be away from Daddy. However when I pick him up in the afternoon, he rarely even cares that I'm there. I think he's just so exhausted, he doesn't have the energy to care - until I say "Let's go home and see Daddy." And then he lights up and says, "Daddy?!"

At home, I still cannot consistently get Ben to drink his milk from one of a zillion sippy cups. And yet, he drinks like an angel at daycare! Are you kidding me? I will literally pick him up from daycare where he just had a sippy of milk, and then when we get home the sippy is the devil again. Argh! Of course he won't eat at daycare, and while a picky eater at home, he does at least eat when here. So it's small victories here and there. I am hoping that after a few more daycare days, he'll adjust and start to love his time there. *fingers crossed*

We have been busy readying the house for sale, and I've been wondering why we didn't do half this stuff years ago! But that's how it goes. J still hasn't applied for a job, to my knowledge. He tells me that I have to stop harping on the "applied" part and give him credit for all that he's doing to get us there - i.e. readying the house, researching RDU, listing his target companies, figuring out what he wants to move his career into. I say I'm right, he thinks he's right - so the circular argument continues.

My little business is taking off slowly. The over-achiever in me is very disappointed in myself because I think I should be more successful at this point. The few parties I have under my belt have been small, and I am having trouble booking future shows. My launch party is this weekend and I have literally invited every person I know in Charlotte, like 70 folks, and I think maybe 10 will show up. So that's bumming me out. On a positive note, I have recruited my first stylist. Yay! I am enjoying coaching her and helping her get her business off the ground. Oddly, she is having a better start in her few days than I have in a month. Go Holly!

Gotta run - almost time to pick up Ben and hear how his day went (hopefully better!). I think getting out in the sun will perk up my pessimistic attitude. Maybe.

Denouement

Victory is mine! He drank 2 sippy cups of milk today! Of course, it was only from this Nuk sippy and no others, but I'll take what I can get at this point. Rushing out to Target to buy some more! Yay! Let's hope this luck holds for the rest of the week and we can officially put all the bottles in storage. Whew, on to the next battle. I'm sure whatever it is, it's just around the corner. *smile*

Carefree Days

We are on Day 5 of our Sippy Stand-off. We have an uneasy compromise going on right now. I take his Born Free sippy and top it with a nipple (thanks for the idea Breezy). He gets that in the morning and at night, the rest of the day is a battle. I finally found the Nuk sippy cup that Breezy suggested, and it seems to work the best. Of course I have to hold him like a baby and force him to drink it, but after a minute he seems to get that I'm not playing and drink more on his own. He still has yet to drink a whole serving of milk from any sippy (sans nipple). The kid has his convictions, but he has yet to realize that mommy will always win. I can wait him out.

Although, he doesn't have much longer to be babied because he's headed to daycare on Tuesday. I am so thrilled that he will be starting a 2-day program next week. We have decided upon Gateway Academy. J and I visited one location last week and liked their structure. While it was perfectly fine, I left with an uneasy feeling - like maybe I wasn't really ready for Ben to go to daycare at all. After visiting another location today, we are good to go. Ben seemed much more at ease with the caregivers and center directors. In fact when visiting the toddler room, he went right up to the table the kids were coloring at and started trying to take their away their pictures. Sure, not the best behavior, but at least he was interacting rather than shying away (as is his usual tactic). And I felt like we were both ready for this step. It's only two days a week, but it's a start. I am looking forward to his daily reports and seeing how much he learns from the other kiddos.

Chagrin

Isn't marriage a hoot?! J and I have been arguing about the speed at which we seem to be moving on our relocation plans, as evidenced by my weekend rant. Couple that with having a child and a tight budget, and there just doesn't seem to be as much time to devote to "us" and doing the things we used to do for each other. We are definitely at the annoyed with each other point of our marriage, and are aware that things will change but right now can be a bit sucky. And then today I get this totally random email from him, and it made me remember all the good that seems to get swept so easily under the rug when I'm mad.

Date: Mon, Mar 22, 2010 at 11:06 AM

Subject: this was supposed to be a surprise...

Don't be mad, but two weeks ago I ordered you a new laptop computer from HP. It will be delivered this week probably on Wednesday. They were running a good deal on HP computers that week, and I thought it would be a nice surprise to help you with your new business and keeping in touch with your book-face and email and such.

Hope you aren't upset. If you want me to cancel the order I can, we can just send it back to them without opening it.

Love you.

JBH

Seriously, the sweetest thing he has done for me in a very long time. And no, he doesn't have to buy me big gifts for me to remember that I love him dearly. It honestly is just the fact that he thought of me and how to make my life easier. He could have cleared a drawer in his desk for me and I would have been just as happy...although a new laptop is much better, especially since mine is on the fritz and we've been sharing his. Also, I like that he thought I'd be mad - because who would be mad about getting a new laptop? If anyone could, it would be me. Obviously I'm not, but he knows me well. He knows that I like to pick out my own stuff and can sometimes be a bad gift-receiver.

(I am fully aware that this post may make me seem like a difficult person to be married to, and will admit that I am. Who isn't?)

Day 3: Sippy Cup Stand-off

So this weekend has been a very interesting battle of the bulge at the Hawken household. We are trying, at this point unsuccessfully, to wean Ben from the bottle and onto the sippy cup. *shock* *gasp* Yes, he still drinks milk from a bottle. And yes, I know that he is 16-months old and should be way over this. He has been drinking water and juice from sippy cups since before he turned 1. However, he will haughtily throw down any sippy cup that contains milk. He has opinions and he's not afraid to share them, even if it involves hurling a sippy cup at your head.

We have been trying to get him off bottles for a few months now, and I have grimaced every time we've been out in public and I've had to break out the bottle or every time my mom lovingly makes a comment or every time some other mother at Gymboree shares her well-intentioned opinion. And I'll admit we haven't really thrown ourselves into the process whole-heartedly. What can I say, he's my baby. This is his one thing. He has never taken a pacifier, he has no lovey toy, no favorite blanket - he likes his milk from a Born Free nipple. I thought he'd just naturally grow out of it, eventually. In an effort to ready Ben for daycare, this weekend we decided to make our home a bottle-free zone. (Yes, Ben will be attending a 2-day program...but that's another post.)

I knew it would be difficult. I knew he would pitch fits. However I did not anticipate how stubborn my son can be. People, it is Day 3. The boy goes without drinking milk from a sippy all day, when he usually would have had 4 bottles. We will give him 1 water/juice mixture and the rest is either water or milk from a sippy. He will take a few sips, but never drink more than a few ounces of either. How is he maintaining his resistance? Is he part cyborg? 

Justified

Do you ever want to update your Facebook status and just tell it like it is? Take today for example, I posted "out enjoying the sunshine," but neglected to mention what I really felt which was "I'm in a pissy f*cking mood today so watch out, especially if your name is J."

My day started out all sunshine and daisies, but then quickly turned to shite once J and I had yet another argument about my anger towards him. Here's the thing: He's right. I am angry at him. I do take any and all my frustrations out on him. However, he knows why I'm angry. He knows what would make me happy. So why make it so hard? We have been debating moving back to RDU since I moved to CLT in 2004. We agreed to move back in October 2009. We have slowly been taking care of things around the house in order to have it in tip-top shape so that we can list it. Great! We have agreed that he should be looking for a job because he (annoyingly) is the bread-winner and will need to secure employment first in order for us to move forward. However, he has not sent one single resume in to date. WTF?! He claims that he is "researching" the area and creating profiles of the top companies he wants to target. Uh, okay. But how long does that take? And can you not research companies and also apply for jobs at the same time? Seems doable to me. And yet he seems to look for anything under the sun that is on our task list and do that first with his free time. Yes, getting things done around the house is important. Yes, selling big items on Ebay to make money is important. But why is everything more important than actually applying for a job? He just seems to have no real urgency in that arena. He says he does. He says I'm right, and he will do it. And yet week after week, the same argument. So yes, I'm mad. I nag him and yell every weekend because I feel he should be able to spend one day applying for jobs. It's what I'd do.

At the same time, he doesn't seem to truly understand why this all makes me so angry. I've explained it to him, and he says he gets it...but still no action. I am in a holding pattern. I love that we decided I'd stay home with Ben, and that I've been fortunate enough to have that opportunity. I wouldn't trade a second of the time I have spent with him and I will cherish it always. But Mommy is ready to get back to work. I miss working and using my brain. I miss interacting with people and problem-solving. I miss the money. I hate feeling so dependent on someone. Yes, we're married - what's his is mine, mine is his...blah, blah, blah. But for me, I like having my own income and the sense of independence that comes along with it. I also know that when I'm working, I'm happier. I know I'd be a much better wife and mother if I had an outlet of my own. So, I've started as an independent stylist for Stella & Dot and that helps. But it's only a stop-gap until we move and I can get back into the full-time workforce. And let's be real, we can't afford for me to stay home much longer, which brings me back to my anger. He knows that I need to get back to work soon and that it makes no sense to get a job in Charlotte at this point. By the time I would be hired, we'd be turning around to move like 3 months later. As a former HR person, I can't do that to a company. So hello - urgency, let's send some resumes out please!!