What Color is My Parachute? Do You Know?

Can we just talk about personality tests for a minute? When did personality tests become so pervasive in the recruiting world? I know I have been out of the HR game for a few years now, but I have kept up with trade publications and must have missed the issue on TEST, TEST, TEST. I have taken so many different personality tests in my lifetime as a Psych major and then as an HR professional, but feel like I may be taking more as a candidate for employment. I mean, before you even meet or speak to me, I need to take 5 personality tests to prove my worth? Really. Is this cost effective? It seems that you would weed out a lot of the unqualifieds just through a simple phone screen, and save a lot of money in the process.

Let's take my most recent job opportunity (which I am hoping turns into something solid because it's a great company). A friend referred me to HR (which is pretty much the only way to even have your resume seen by actual eyeballs), she told HR she wanted me in the sales pipeline for future opportunities that she will have in the next month or so. I then have to go online and apply for a "fake" job just to get in the system. Then HR emails me a link to fill out a more in depth application and upload my references. Cool. Then HR emails me a personality test. No biggie, it's because I'm already in the pipeline so I'm getting fast-tracked. I do the personality test (which is always hard for me because my Psych brain and my HR brain are at war analyzing the best way to answer and my gut is saying "just answer it!"). After the 30 minute personality test, I email HR to let them know it's completed. HR emails me another link for a more in-depth personality test for just sales candidates. Okay. I start the test. Three questions in and there is a word problem. WTF? How does a word problem help you analyze my personality? Also, when you tell someone it's a personality test, that is timed, you should also warn them if there will be math. I needed an f'ing calculator! I grabbed pen and paper and my cell calculator and got to work. Can I tell you how much I hate word problems? I do. I'm not bad at math by any means, but I have always got the cold sweats from word problems. Whatever. I get it done. Move on, more personality questions. Crap, another word problem. But wait, this one requires me to remember the basic area of a triangle in order to answer it. No kidding. Geometry. People, I sucked at geometry. Also, I haven't had to do it or use it since early HS. I don't know how I remembered 180 degrees, but I did (please tell me that's right, I never googled after to check). Anywho, I get through it and some additional reading comprehension questions which were ridiculous. Whew! A few hours after the test, I get a call from the outsourced company that administers the test and they want to set up a phone screen for me. Okay, why isn't the company's HR doing this? Apparently the outsourced personality company pre-screens candidates that pass the personality test before they are moved on to interviews with the actual company. Weird, but okay. Phone screen is set up and I'm ready. Phone screen time comes and goes, and I am stood up. Yep, they forgot to call. I call them and reschedule. The second phone screen starts late and the person I am supposed to be speaking with (who originally stood me up) is busy so someone else is handling the phone interview for him. Okay, whatever. The chat goes well and he tells me that I will be forwarded as a candidate for sales positions at the company. But he won't reveal any of the personality test results with me....unless I am actually hired. Annoying.

Am I crazy, but doesn't that seem like a lot of testing and applications? I still haven't even talked to anyone at the actual company...and I am a referred candidate. Crazy. What happened to actually talking to a candidate yourself and making an assessment. Personality tests are great, especially when used as a tool to strengthen your interview or for leadership training....but 3 tests before even talking to the hiring manager? Seems a bit much. Lucrative if you are the testing vendor, and I would love to get in on that business. Cha-Ching.

UPDATE: My friend called me today and we spoke about setting up a meeting for next week. Turns out that there will be an opening on her team sooner rather than later, so I will be considered for a position under her purview. Fingers crossed that all goes well. Also I passed all of the personality tests and scored well for a sales candidate. Good to know...since I was a successful sales person.

Not So Dewey

Can I just talk about my luck with libraries? I am a huge library supporter, and have been since I was a child. I love books, love reading, and love the atmosphere of the library. So, I was excited to go to our local library today and get my new library card (since we moved and all). I park and see that the library is huge and rather new in comparison to my former haunt off Independence in CLT. So I am stoked! I have a list of books that I have been meaning to check out (get it, library humor) and this library in Cary is so going to hit the spot. I got my card in minutes and was off on the hunt. But wait, have I been away too long? Did how books are categorized and shelved change in the last few months? Because I am looking and looking and seeing none of the authors I need. I went to the handy-dandy PC and checked, and a few of my list are "checked in" to the library so what gives? I go back for another looksy. Still no luck. Okay, now I am feeling like an idiot but refusing to go ask for help. I will not let the librarians see me sweat! So aimless wandering it is, until I figure it out.

When did we decide to start categorizing our Adult Fiction sections? Is this a Wake County thing? I am used to Fiction, Non-Fiction, Young Adult Fiction....but Romance Fiction, Mystery Fiction, Sci-Fi/Fantasy Fiction sections? Really?? I am at a library, not Barnes & Noble. Fiction is fiction, just alphabetize it and keep it simple. What's worse is that the qualifiers (Mystery, Romance, Sci-Fi/Fantasy) are in such small print, that it isn't noticeable off the bat when you are wandering about in the Fiction area. Very annoying. Unless this is how it has always been, and then I guess I'm just a dolt. But I swear that Mecklenburg County libraries didn't sort their fiction like that - it was just a huge Fiction section in alphabetically order by author.

In the end, I found only 3 books and only 2 from my huge list. Apparently this library, while shiny and new, is in the boonies and all of the good books are in a more centralized library in another part of Cary. So yet again, I am on the waitlist for several books. Ugh. Mecklenburg County all over again. Going forward I will just check online before heading to the library...but it does take some of the fun out of a trip to the library. On the positive side, they have a lovely children's section and I will definitely be taking Ben for future trips.

PS - I checked out the following, in case you are interested. I gotta get my GoodReads button back up.
The Gates by John Connolly
The Evolution of Calpurnia Tate by Jacqueline Kelly
The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms by N.K. Jemisin

PPS - Thanks Beckers for the recommendations!

Reality Sucks.

The reason I haven't been blogging lately is that if I did, I would have to rename it "I Grumble, A Lot." I am in a deep funk, and really don't want to whine, whine, whine all day when there are people with bigger and more serious problems than mine. On the other hand, this is my damn blog and I am depressed and need to vent.

People, I am broke. Broke as a joke. Staying at home with Ben has been a blessing, and I know I'm lucky to have had the opportunity, and I know that I will always treasure this time, etc., etc. But I am broke. I have spent all of my savings to stay home for 2 years, and for the last six months have been totally dependent on my husband. And yes, I know, that's what a husband is for...but I don't like it. I don't like being dependent on anyone for anything. I don't like not having an income. I don't like not being able to contribute financially. I don't like having to ask for money and explain what it's for...and no, it's not like he's the CFO and I have to turn in an expense request sheet, but still it feels like I have to ask and explain. I don't like it. I don't like that I am now getting in arrears on certain things because hey, the hubs doesn't have lots of extra cash laying about either. So it stinks. Being broke stinks.

I have been looking for work and interviewing and basically nobody wants me. It feels a lot like being punished for taking time off to spend with my kid. I mean, my skillset is still the same - but it feels like I am being penalized for that time off. Also, the hubs is pressuring me to just take a job, any job. And I get where that's coming from - some money coming in is better than no money coming in. But I am loathe to do that because hey, I had a career before Ben happened. I was doing well, working my way up the compensation chain, and to just accept any job feels like defeat. It feels like I am saying that my worth diminished because I chose to be a stay at home mom. I would never ask my husband to take a $30-40K pay cut just to get a job. I mean, I get it, if push comes to shove, I'll work at Target if need be - I'm not so stubborn that I'd go bankrupt and let my kid starve or something. But while it's bad, I don't feel like it's time to admit career defeat and just accept some crap, entry-level job. And I know, how dare I complain when people are out there looking for much longer than I and would gladly accept a crap job - but hey, this is my blog and I should be allowed to complain about what I want here without worry of judgement.

And speaking of judgement, can I just complain a minute about fucking idiots on reality television who make six figures for being fucking idiots? Seriously, it pisses me off to no end that people from The Jersey Shore and Teen Mom are making bank while most of America is in the poor house. Fucking Snooki! She "wrote" a book, and the idiot masses will buy it. WTF? Who knew that stupid and slutty sold so well. Man, what was I thinking with that whole college degree and then working my way up...dummy! I should have just been a loud-mouthed, ignorant whore and I could have had it made.

Sigh of Relief

I am still struggling with breaking Ben from his bottle. He only wants it with his milk, and I have given in to his demands. I am ashamed every time we're in public and he demands the bottle. I am annoyed every time my mom nags at me about it. I feel like I am a bad mom when I see all my friends kids' off the bottle and loving sippy cups or real glasses. So you cannot imagine how giddy I became when I ran across this photo...

This is Gwen Stefani with her youngest son, Zuma, at his 2nd birthday party. What's that I spy? A Born Free bottle in little Zuma's hands? Yes! Somehow I feel less like a complete loser knowing that another mother is letting her son enjoy the bottle. It must be something about those Born Free bottle! Ben loves his too. Sure, I know I still need to get him to kick the habit...but I feel a little less ashamed knowing she's waging the same war.

Not funny.

(Okay, I've been meaning to post this since this past weekend but flu-like symptoms got in the way! Also, it's late and my brain is half-asleep, so this may be a bit disjointed...)

I cannot tell you how many radio stations I heard this past week making fun of Chelsea Clinton and her upcoming nuptials. I was driving home from a visit home this weekend and listening to one station go on and on, and I was seething. How immature and inconsiderate are people? You are on the radio mocking a young woman that you have never met because maybe you don't agree with her parents political views? Or is it just because it makes you feel like a better person to compare her to a horse? So irritating. This is a girl who was quite awkward looking in her teen years, which she had to live in the public eye, and yet she weathered it all with class. I think she has grown into quite an attractive young woman. But either way, who are you to throw stones? You are a radio dj. You are obviously not attractive enough to have made it on to television, and yet you think you can sit in your booth and play the Mister Ed song. Hilarious. It's like no radio dj ever matured past their 13 year old self. How would you feel if someone, and I'm sure it was dj's all over the nation, was making fun of your daughter on one of the most special days of her life? So disgusting.

I think she looked gorgeous and happy on her wedding day. Congrats!

Wishful Thinking

I am in a funk. I had childishly high hopes this week that our open house would result in a miraculous offer and imminent sale. Naive, yes. Reality - one person showed up. This was a person that just happened to drive by and see the signs, and who is looking to rent-to-own (i.e. most likely doesn't have the credit to qualify to buy a house). *SIGH*

I spent all week stressing over the need to clean, declutter and depersonalize our house for our first open house. I scrubbed my hands raw, boxed almost everything up that isn't needed in the foreseeable future, and staged the home as if a rambunctious 21-month old has never lived here (except for the strategically placed toys that scream "this is a cozy house to raise your family in"). I was unable to sleep most nights for the lists running in my head of what still needed to be done. [My Brain: The blinds and windows - they haven't been cleaned since we moved in here. Must clean now. No one will ever buy this house if there are dusty blinds. AAHHH!]

Apparently open houses have gone the way of the dodo. Who knew. I get it, I can see everything I need to see online with pictures and virtual tours. But no one has scheduled a visit to come and see our charming craftsman style bungalow. And our pictures are good, and I know our house is cute. So what now? I know we can drop the price a bit, and I'm sure we will in the next few weeks. Other than that, what's left? It just feels like I will never escape Charlotte. I know I'm being dramatic. It's not like I live in Darfur. But I want out. I can't stand waiting. I think I'm going to research the whole rental route. It can't hurt to look into the costs of a management company and the likelihood of finding a great renter. Right? *sigh*

Bummer

Apparently I am a loser and no one wants to participate in my giveaway. Sadness. Since no one shopped, there is no winner. Boo hoo. I'll try again in a few months when summer is over. I am telling myself that people were too busy and broke with summer plans. It's not me, it's them...right??

On a happy note, I just ordered some new line samples for the Fall/Winter 2010 collection and I am drooling! I cannot wait to get my hands on the pieces. So gorgeous! This is my new fave - the Metropolitan Mixed Chain Necklace. LOVE IT!

Grown Ups

I just have to take a minute to vent about how immature people can be and how sick I am of it! I am involved in planning a baby shower for my bestie, and I am working with another few of her besties and her sister. The sister and I were meeting tonight to go over all of her wonderful ideas, since she's really creating the vision and we're helping her achieve it. During our discussion, it basically came out that the old HS bestie doesn't want to work with me and other college bestie in the planning process and would prefer to only deal with the sister. Are you f*cking kidding me?! People, we are 30 years old. This is your alleged best friend since high school and you can't bother to email or converse with me about the planning of her first baby shower? Really mature. It is taking all I have not to send her a nasty "grow the hell up" email.

This isn't the first time I've encountered her immature and selfish ways. She pulled the same crap when it came to the wedding showers and bachelorette party. It's not just that she wants to be the leader and center of attention, but it's that she also complains to the mom-to-be about everything. For example, we were originally doing two showers - one hometown/family, one home of the mom/dad-to-be. My friend and I were hosting the home of the mom-to-be, and the sis and HS bestie were hosting the hometown/family shower. Well, HS bestie emails mom-to-be and complains that she "didn't know she was getting stuck with the grandmas" and that she wished she was throwing the fun party. Are you serious? First, why are you complaining? If you are the best friend, do your job and act like it! Second, you live in the hometown. Why wouldn't you be hosting the family party? And you grew up with her family, so why would "being with the grandmas" be so bad?

So this sparked an upheaval and now we are doing one big shower. Honestly, I am fine either way - I am just happy to be participating and be involved in the shower. It's just beyond annoying that HS bestie won't deign to speak to me or the other college bestie, and yet she feels like none of her ideas are being heard. Hello!? How can we hear your ideas if you won't bother to speak with us. Needless to say, I am not to happy about this person and am not looking forward to seeing her at the shower. However I will keep it to myself and keep the mom-to-be out of it! She should be enjoying these last few months of pregnancy and not dealing with useless drama.

**UPDATE**
So apparently HS bestie spent the weekend with mom-to-be and yet again brought up issues about the shower planning. WTH? On Friday, I sent out the invite preview and she replied through her intermediary (i.e. mom-to-be's sister) that she didn't want her name on the invite. Seriously? And then she grumbles to mom-to-be about this and told her she didn't feel the need to be included on the invite because her sister clearly has the shower planned out and she's just going to be bringing a few dishes of food. So then mom-to-be emails us and is paranoid that her sister isn't working well with us as a team. This is so not an issue and honestly if it was, it's not something that mom-to-be would need to know about anyway. Us college besties know how to work as a team and are not having major issues like this, why can't this chick grow up? Argh!!

Typical

Last week was school picture day at Ben's daycare, and I have been anxiously looking forward to the proofs. Now, I must admit, I have been very remiss about taking Ben to get professional photos done (as my mother will lament to anyone she knows). We do a great job of taking photos with our camera and our phones, but then I never seem to print them out. Oops. But hey, I post most all of them to Facebook, so at least there's that. So his having a school picture day was pretty exciting and one of the perks of daycare! I made sure to put him in a cute outfit, to tame his locks, and send him away clean faced and perky.

I logged on to the website today to look at the proofs, and you have to look through like the whole daycare center's photos until you find your kid. So I'm scrolling through all these adorable pics of kids older and younger of Ben, and then I get to Ben. And I kid you not, there were a total of 471 photos taken for his school and most every kid got like 10 shots - but my kid, my special kid, yeah, one freakin' photo. ONE! And it is with his signature grumpy "I loathe this" facial expression. Are you kidding me?? Granted, when I picked him up that day his teacher mentioned that he was not loving the photo process, but she also said that she was sure they caught something because they took a ton of shots and he eventually calmed down. This photography group specializes in childrens' photos and especially those done at daycares, and my kid was so worked up and horrible that you could only get off one shot? And it's a crappy one at that? Really?!

I am peeved. Totally peeved.

Still Lost

Can I just say, there are only like 3 episodes left until the series finale of LOST. People, when the f*ck are they going to explain what the hell is going on?! Am I just dense? I feel like this final season has just opened up more questions (hello, new sideways world?!) and when are the answers coming? I know its inevitable, the show will end and I will be disappointed that I still have so many questions from all the seasons of confusing-ass shit they've thrown at us. I knew I should have stopped watching two seasons ago.

Wussup

Wow, can't believe it's been weeks since I posted! Lots going on here - still waging sippy war with Ben at home (argh!); Ben has started daycare two days a week (drama!); my Stella & Dot business is taking off much slower than I'd like (stress!); and we are still moving at a snail's pace when it comes to making the move to RDU.

Ben started daycare a few weeks ago, and is not loving it. I am loving the free time to focus on my new business venture, clean the house a bit, and breathe - however it is laced with guilt. Every time J drops him off in the morning, he clings and cries and screams. This is why I do not drop him off. Mommy would cry. Although it may be worse because J is the "favorite" parent right now, and Ben never wants to be away from Daddy. However when I pick him up in the afternoon, he rarely even cares that I'm there. I think he's just so exhausted, he doesn't have the energy to care - until I say "Let's go home and see Daddy." And then he lights up and says, "Daddy?!"

At home, I still cannot consistently get Ben to drink his milk from one of a zillion sippy cups. And yet, he drinks like an angel at daycare! Are you kidding me? I will literally pick him up from daycare where he just had a sippy of milk, and then when we get home the sippy is the devil again. Argh! Of course he won't eat at daycare, and while a picky eater at home, he does at least eat when here. So it's small victories here and there. I am hoping that after a few more daycare days, he'll adjust and start to love his time there. *fingers crossed*

We have been busy readying the house for sale, and I've been wondering why we didn't do half this stuff years ago! But that's how it goes. J still hasn't applied for a job, to my knowledge. He tells me that I have to stop harping on the "applied" part and give him credit for all that he's doing to get us there - i.e. readying the house, researching RDU, listing his target companies, figuring out what he wants to move his career into. I say I'm right, he thinks he's right - so the circular argument continues.

My little business is taking off slowly. The over-achiever in me is very disappointed in myself because I think I should be more successful at this point. The few parties I have under my belt have been small, and I am having trouble booking future shows. My launch party is this weekend and I have literally invited every person I know in Charlotte, like 70 folks, and I think maybe 10 will show up. So that's bumming me out. On a positive note, I have recruited my first stylist. Yay! I am enjoying coaching her and helping her get her business off the ground. Oddly, she is having a better start in her few days than I have in a month. Go Holly!

Gotta run - almost time to pick up Ben and hear how his day went (hopefully better!). I think getting out in the sun will perk up my pessimistic attitude. Maybe.

Justified

Do you ever want to update your Facebook status and just tell it like it is? Take today for example, I posted "out enjoying the sunshine," but neglected to mention what I really felt which was "I'm in a pissy f*cking mood today so watch out, especially if your name is J."

My day started out all sunshine and daisies, but then quickly turned to shite once J and I had yet another argument about my anger towards him. Here's the thing: He's right. I am angry at him. I do take any and all my frustrations out on him. However, he knows why I'm angry. He knows what would make me happy. So why make it so hard? We have been debating moving back to RDU since I moved to CLT in 2004. We agreed to move back in October 2009. We have slowly been taking care of things around the house in order to have it in tip-top shape so that we can list it. Great! We have agreed that he should be looking for a job because he (annoyingly) is the bread-winner and will need to secure employment first in order for us to move forward. However, he has not sent one single resume in to date. WTF?! He claims that he is "researching" the area and creating profiles of the top companies he wants to target. Uh, okay. But how long does that take? And can you not research companies and also apply for jobs at the same time? Seems doable to me. And yet he seems to look for anything under the sun that is on our task list and do that first with his free time. Yes, getting things done around the house is important. Yes, selling big items on Ebay to make money is important. But why is everything more important than actually applying for a job? He just seems to have no real urgency in that arena. He says he does. He says I'm right, and he will do it. And yet week after week, the same argument. So yes, I'm mad. I nag him and yell every weekend because I feel he should be able to spend one day applying for jobs. It's what I'd do.

At the same time, he doesn't seem to truly understand why this all makes me so angry. I've explained it to him, and he says he gets it...but still no action. I am in a holding pattern. I love that we decided I'd stay home with Ben, and that I've been fortunate enough to have that opportunity. I wouldn't trade a second of the time I have spent with him and I will cherish it always. But Mommy is ready to get back to work. I miss working and using my brain. I miss interacting with people and problem-solving. I miss the money. I hate feeling so dependent on someone. Yes, we're married - what's his is mine, mine is his...blah, blah, blah. But for me, I like having my own income and the sense of independence that comes along with it. I also know that when I'm working, I'm happier. I know I'd be a much better wife and mother if I had an outlet of my own. So, I've started as an independent stylist for Stella & Dot and that helps. But it's only a stop-gap until we move and I can get back into the full-time workforce. And let's be real, we can't afford for me to stay home much longer, which brings me back to my anger. He knows that I need to get back to work soon and that it makes no sense to get a job in Charlotte at this point. By the time I would be hired, we'd be turning around to move like 3 months later. As a former HR person, I can't do that to a company. So hello - urgency, let's send some resumes out please!!

Post

It's 2010, so are hand written thank you notes passe? Here's why I ask. I have recently sent several gifts out for various occasions (wedding, baby, etc.) and have only gotten thank you's via Facebook (if anything). And not even a Facebook private email, but like a "hey, how are you? thanks for the gift." type of comment. Am I old fashioned to expect an actual thank you note? Sometimes I think so, and I am blaming all the Edwardian and Victorian novels that I've read.

Of course I didn't give the gifts expecting adulation, but is it really that hard to write a note and pop it in the mail? Am I the only one that does that anymore? Believe me, I'm not perfect, I'm sure I don't always send one for everything. But for the most part, when someone sends my child a gift or goes out of their way for me, I try to send a personal note of thanks.

Seriously, hand written notes are lovely. Does no one else get excited about personal mail anymore? I did notice a significant decrease in my Christmas cards this year. Sigh.

(And I fully realize that I am writing this and owing a few people some of those notes...I have a list and am working my way through it. Ahem, CindyLooHoo, Tara and Beckers, you are on that list!)

Smile

Here's the thing about motherhood, it's uncharted waters. Sure there are tons of books, magazines, websites and blogs on parenting, but it's all just advice. There is no proven equation for perfect parenting. So as mothers, we're all just doing the best we can. So why are we our own worst enemy? As a mom, I am always second-guessing myself. I may seem confident, but internally I do wonder if I am doing everything I can to make sure Ben becomes the best he can be. There's a lot of self-pressure, guilt and worry - so do we need the judgement from other moms? I have found that other mothers can be the best and worst for advice. There can be a dash of judgement thrown in, especially when it comes to different styles of parenting. And believe me, I'm not excluding myself from this list (see previous comment re: the name Jacoby).

Last week I posted on Facebook that I had survived Ben's first dental appointment. Yes, my son is 13-months old and I took him to a pediatric dentist for a check-up and cleaning. This is something that I had done the research about during pregnancy, as one of my favorite former clients is a pediatric dentist with a great practice. He recommended that the baby should come when he has his first tooth and at minimum by 1-year. So, I was already feeling a bit guilty taking Ben in over 6 months after his first teeth. However, what I didn't expect was that people on Facebook would have a mini-debate about it and that when I would mention said debate to other moms at Gymboree they would chastise me too. I kept being told "Oh, my doctor said there was no need until the child is 3." And then, "Yes, yes, my doctor said that too. Besides the doctor checks them at the visits anyway. Why would a child need a cleaning at that age?"

So, while I was confident in my initial decision to go to the dentist and the visit went well. Afterwards I felt like a bit of an idiot. Did I do something wrong? And seriously, it's silly. My decision was mine and your decision is yours. Why should I now feel like a "bad" mom for doing something proactive about my son's dental health? I mean, baby teeth are tricky. How do you clean them properly? When should they start really brushing and using toothpaste? How can you be sure to avoid cavities as best possible? These are all questions that my pediatric dentist answered for me. As well as alerting me to the fact that Ben's first molars are popping through, and which teeth should come next. And let's not mention that it was fun for Ben to see the dentist's office and play with the tools. Sure, he didn't love the cleaning but it took 45 seconds and then we were done.

There's really no moral to this story, just a little thought - you do what works for you, and I'll do what works for me.

Sidenote: Check out Parenting Magazine's January article "Give us a Smile!" - it's all about your child's dental health. "Take your baby to the dentist by her first birthday" per the American Academy of Pediatrics and American Dental Association. Sure, let's judge each other less...but for a moment, vindication is mine. :)

Sickies

I feel bad that I haven't posted but this house is a bit under the weather. Well, Ben is under the weather and we're just all catering to his needs. Poor bugger has a virus that I am sure he caught at Gymboree (or Germboree as my corny husband likes to call it). In fact, I am pretty sure that I heard one of the mom's saying that she hadn't been to last week's class because her son, Jacoby, had been ill. Well, he was still snotting and sneezing all over the equipment, so maybe she shouldn't have brought him back just yet. Argh! I know, I know, germs are normal and even good. Kids need to build up their defenses by getting sick, etc., etc. But since Ben is a stay-at-home kid, he's only been sick once and that was when he was 3 months old (also after an interaction with other kids)...so is it selfish of me to want to keep my healthy baby all to myself and not deal with the sickies!?! Sure, he's only snotty, sneezy, whiny, sleepy and fevery (hehe, 5 of the "sick" 7 dwarves), but it's hard to watch him feel so miserable. This is a kid who is always into everything and constantly willing to eat anything he can get his hands on. Now, he's whimpering and we're having to force him to eat and drink. Not to mention that I just hate having to check his temperature...rectally...ouch. Sigh, I'm just whining. This is part of motherhood and I've been lucky he's been well all year and that he's not sick with anything more serious. I don't know how people handle it when their kids truly have something horrible wrong with them. On the positive side, I do get a lot more snuggles...mainly because he's too sluggish to escape. I'll take 'em when I can get 'em.

On a side note, does anyone else think Jacoby is a stupid name? I apologize in advance to anyone with a kid, nephew, grandson, etc. named Jacoby...but it sounds silly to me. Was Jacob not good enough?

On another note, when I go to these classes I really notice that Ben is seriously so much cuter than the other kids. Really, he is. Does everyone else think that when they take their kid to class too? If my kid was funny looking, would I notice? Cause some of these kids are funny looking. Yes, I'm mean and shallow - judging toddlers...tsk, tsk.

Avert Your Eyes

Is this what fashion has come to? A replay of the 80s and early 90s? Seriously?!



I mean, Katie Holmes has access to stylists and money -- but she's dressing like this? Acid washed jeans with pre-fab holes and tight-rolled!? Jesus. If Hollywood is embracing this style, there is no hope. I have already seen the god awful plaid shirts at Target. What else will they be rolling out to the masses? The 80s and early 90s were the worst fashions for women, IMHO - especially if you aren't model-thin. I guess I should have saved my doc martins - my mom always said that they better last me for the rest of my life since I paid so much for them. Guess she was right.

Shh...SHUT UP!

Why does the f'ing UPS guy always have to drive up after I've gotten the baby to nap? I swear to all that is holy, if he rings that damn doorbell and knocks again tomorrow I am going to jerk a knot in him. And why do you need to ring the doorbell twice and knock twice? Is this part of UPS training? Between you and the Jehovah's witnesses that keep circling the neighborhood, it's like Grand Central Station on my porch. Just knock and leave the damn package on the door. You know I have a new baby, you've seen my disheveled, smelly self when I've had to sign for packages. Have a heart, and just SHHHHHHHH.

To the Jehovah's witnesses, what's with all the furious recruitment efforts of late? If I'm correct, aren't there only so many spots in heaven per your teachings? So here's a thought, if you stop recruiting, you're guaranteed a spot. If you recruit me, who's to say that I wouldn't be taking your spot? That would really suck for you.

Discount

Did anyone see the episode of The Real Housewives of New York last night? I cannot stand the Countess. OMG, I cannot believe how full of herself she is. On the episode last night, she was talking to a group of underprivileged girls (and of course going on and on about herself and her Countess status) and asking them what they wanted to be when they grow up. One girl, who was 10, said she wanted to be a model. She asked her to stand up to see how tall she is and then let her know that she had a pretty face and needed to lose weight. She said "Don't worry, you have plenty of time to grow" - and then went on to tell her losing weight is easy, don't worry. Are you fucking kidding me? Yes, the girl was overweight. But can we please have a reality check! You are a fucking Countess. You are rich. You are of the elite. Do you know anything about how socioeconomic status affects health and obesity? Clearly not. Did you need to go into this room, a place of sanctuary for these girls, a place where they are trying to build self-esteem and worth, and tell her that she needed to lose weight? Do you think she hasn't heard that before? Do you think telling her it's easy will give her the strength she needs to drop those LB's? How dare you. How sanctimonious of you. And then to go on and say, "You could tell those girls really appreciated my taking time out of my day to spend with them." Yes, how kind of you. They have learned that if you marry a Count, life is good.

It Has To Be Said

I've been reading and hearing all the news surrounding the Rihanna/Chris Brown situation, and it just has to be said - HIS BEHAVIOR IS NOT OKAY. EVER. NO MATTER WHAT.

When I first heard, I was shocked and my heart went out to her. I was proud of her for standing up for herself, working with the police, and what appeared like separating herself from Chris and moving forward. But now all the news seems to speculate that they are back together. And while charges can and may be pressed without her, she's not necessarily the driving force behind them anymore. I am so saddened by this. However, I understand she is a confused, young girl who believes herself to be in love with the man of her dreams. And like most people who find themselves in abusive relationships, they are the last to realize it and the first to excuse the behavior. And so the cycle continues...

But here's what I am really f*cking pissed off about - the lack of outrage. While the media is covering it non-stop, no one is really coming out and saying "This is totally unacceptable." Sure, a few celebs came out and said "I can't believe this." or " His behavior was unacceptable." - but now it feels like everyone is changing their tune to "This is private. We should give them time and space." or "We have all made mistakes." Really, we've all made mistakes? A mistake is speeding, not beating down the woman you supposedly love. I know I am generalizing here, and I'm sure there are people and sites that are totally standing up and saying this isn't okay at all...but it just feels like there's just not enough collective discussion about domestic violence. And then you get the people who say, "Well, she hit him first." and, "Why was she checking his phone?" - as if these are things to lessen his reaction of violence. I don't care what she may have done that angered him, it is NOT normal or acceptable to react in such a manner. A real man would have walked away.

This is a chance to create a national discourse about abuse of all forms. We need to stand up and speak out against domestic violence to teach our young people that it's not okay. So many girls and boys look up to Rihanna and Chris Brown, and by treating this as a "private" matter we are saying to them that it's okay. As much as I understand that it is something that would be easier for them to handle if it wasn't in the public spotlight, it's also part of the package they signed up for when they became stars. They are role models, and whether they like it or not, people are watching them to see how they react. People will say "Well, Rihanna took Chris back...so it must be okay if you really love someone." This is not the message I want girls and boys to see. But sadly, it is the message they will receive...and a lot of them will not get any other message from their parents. They will see how this happened, how it was handled, and they will glean that this form of behavior is okay.

**EDIT: Since starting this post last week, Oprah did a wonderful show educating people on domestic violence. Sadly, not enough kids watch Oprah and not enough of the entertainment community is espousing the same message.

Fatty, Fatty 2x4

OH. MY. GOD. I am so f*ing fat right now that I just want to curl in a ball and hide. (Yes, I know this will not solve my fat problem and only serve to worsen it.) I am on my way to the funeral today and I don't know why it didn't cross my mind earlier this week to maybe try on some clothes to see if they would fit. I was just so sure that my black dress would work. Wrong. The dress won't even go over my boobs. Then I moved on to a skirt, nope - not zipping that unless my waist becomes the area right under my boobs. So, my trusty grey pants have to work...right? Hell no. OMG, what the hell am I going to wear?

Here's the thing - while I've lost a good chunk of the baby weight, I haven't lost the last 10-15 pounds. The other issue is that I have, unfortunately, weighed this horribly fat weight before, but my body shape is totally different since the birth of the baby. So while my fat clothes should fit, they don't because the fat is hanging out in totally different places than before. UGH!!

I should get a fatty award because I just figured out how to fit into my grey pants and only look a little like a stuffed sausage. I have the Spanx on under the pants, which was a feat, and yet they still won't button...so on top of that I have the Bella Band from my first trimester of pregnancy. It's not pretty, but it'll do. I was only one step away from breaking out the full on maternity dress or pants, but all the people I will see today would have recognized that I was still in maternity and I could never do that. I'd be so ashamed.

This is why I wear sweatpants every day. So much easier.