I'm A Worker Bee....Again

I is alive! I would love to say that I have been doing wonderful, marvelous things this summer. But mostly I have been depressed and unhappy, and that's not fun for daily blog fodder. Thus, radio silence.

Oh, but I haven't been totally useless, I have been applying and interviewing for jobs...like it's my job (get it, get it, I's made a funny). And finally after about 9 months of searching, I have finally been found worthy of employment. Yay for me! Someone hired me. Someone liked me more than another candidate. Yay! I am very excited about this new opportunity, especially since it means a paycheck! Oh wait, I am also excited about the position. It is with a small tech company out of California, and I will be their East Coast Coordinator. Don't ask me exactly what that means because I'm not 100% sure yet. However, it will require my unbelievable customer service skills, organizational abilities, and my love of multi-tasking. But best of all, I will be doing something that is totally out of line from my background and will allow me to learn a new skillset and gain new industry experience.

Oh, and didn't I mention the kicker - travel. I start on the 5th of July and work from home for a week, and then I fly out to San Jose for two weeks of training. What did I hear when this was explained to me? VACATION! Two weeks, alone, my own hotel room. Hallelujah! This is the first real vacation I have had in two and a half years (thank you Ben). So while I will miss my little man (I'll see you on Skype buddy), and am anxious about how he and J will get on without me (it's gonna be like a cage match and only one will survive), I cannot wait to board that plane! It'll be a nice change for J to find out what it's like being me and bearing the majority of the parenting duties. I expect it shall be a life-changing two weeks for us all.

Sidenote: When J told Ben I was going back to work, he replied "Oh yay! Congratulations Mommy! Can I come with you?" My sweet little goofball.

Free To Be Just Three

Recently, I had a discussion with a friend over lunch about the pressure to procreate. As a person that already has one child, I am referring to the external pressure to add another to the mix. Although I'd wager that as a married couple without children, you'd face even more pressure. What's wrong with you? Why haven't you had a child yet? I remember those questions starting as soon as we returned from our honeymoon. Either way, where does that pressure come from? It's a very personal decision (to have a child or to have more children), so why does everyone that knows you or has just met you feel entitled to ask the question?

So, in our case, I am happy being a family of three. I love our son very much and I enjoy being a mother, but I'm just not sure that adding another to the mix is necessary. I know it is not something we are ready or interested in doing at this point in our lives. And yet when I say that I am happy with just one child, it's like I am an oddball. As if because I became a mother, I am now committed to having those 2.5 kids. And hey, there are times that I *think* that having another kid could be nice...maybe. But they are just gut reactions to seeing a cute little blonde boy running around and wondering what a second child would look like. This is not a reason to have a kid. And then I think, am I doing Ben a disservice if we decide that he should be an only child? There are definite pro's (hello, we could not stress so much about money), but you rarely hear an only child say that they loved being the only one. My mom was an only child, and I heard all my life about how much she wished she had had brothers and sisters growing up. And I like the *idea* of Ben having a sibling to rely on when he's older, especially when dealing with the stresses of potentially caring for aging parents. Again, not a great reason to have a child.

At this point, I am firm in my enjoyment of being a family of three. Maybe one day we will change our minds. Either way, stop questioning me about when I will have another. Just because I am a mother does not mean that I want a gaggle of children. And if I choose to have just one, it's just as valid as your choice to have five. And for those married folks out there who are happy without children (gasp), good for you. And for those married folks out there that want kids but just haven't been able to yet, I really, really apologize if I ever contributed to that constant questioning.

Nuggets

The joys of parenting are numerous. Let me share a recent conversation between myself and J regarding our darling son.

From bewildered me to his loving father:

I am not lying when I tell you that I just yakked in my mouth while changing ben's poop. The nastiest, messiest, smelliest diaper ever. Disgusting! It's thrown away and I can still smell it. I may burn the house down.

From his doting father to astonished me:

These are the moments that define our lives- this is indeed your finest hour. As Winston Churchill once said- "Never in the course of our history has so much been done by so few". He was not talking about beating Hitler- it was his vision into the future.... of Ben's poopy diaper. Luv U.

Ah yes, becoming a parent really expands your world. I never knew how much I could discuss my son's poop. I know you're glad I shared.

Day 3: Sippy Cup Stand-off

So this weekend has been a very interesting battle of the bulge at the Hawken household. We are trying, at this point unsuccessfully, to wean Ben from the bottle and onto the sippy cup. *shock* *gasp* Yes, he still drinks milk from a bottle. And yes, I know that he is 16-months old and should be way over this. He has been drinking water and juice from sippy cups since before he turned 1. However, he will haughtily throw down any sippy cup that contains milk. He has opinions and he's not afraid to share them, even if it involves hurling a sippy cup at your head.

We have been trying to get him off bottles for a few months now, and I have grimaced every time we've been out in public and I've had to break out the bottle or every time my mom lovingly makes a comment or every time some other mother at Gymboree shares her well-intentioned opinion. And I'll admit we haven't really thrown ourselves into the process whole-heartedly. What can I say, he's my baby. This is his one thing. He has never taken a pacifier, he has no lovey toy, no favorite blanket - he likes his milk from a Born Free nipple. I thought he'd just naturally grow out of it, eventually. In an effort to ready Ben for daycare, this weekend we decided to make our home a bottle-free zone. (Yes, Ben will be attending a 2-day program...but that's another post.)

I knew it would be difficult. I knew he would pitch fits. However I did not anticipate how stubborn my son can be. People, it is Day 3. The boy goes without drinking milk from a sippy all day, when he usually would have had 4 bottles. We will give him 1 water/juice mixture and the rest is either water or milk from a sippy. He will take a few sips, but never drink more than a few ounces of either. How is he maintaining his resistance? Is he part cyborg? 

Pumpkin

Here's the thing, when I leave the house in the morning, I generally feel pretty cute. I haven't really freaked out about the weight gain, and I typically think I actually look "little" to be as far along as I am. I look in the mirror and think, my belly is still pretty small to be at 6 months. I mean, I used to be able to stick my belly out like this just for fun. (Remember Beckers all the fun Breezy and I had making fat bellies in front of the dorm mirror...Good times!) But then you see yourself in photos, and it's just totally different. I see the photos and I think "OMG, I am so freakin' huge!" So, yeah, pregnancy really messes with your sense of size and proportion.

I like to call this picture "BooBelly," in which I realize pregnancy has created one big booby-belly monster. But my dad looks cute!

Oh, and I was at 23 weeks then (around 4th of July)...so it's only getting bigger from here on out! Also, all of a sudden my hair has turned to crap. I used to love my hair, but now it's all limp and lifeless. *Sigh* But knock-wood, no crazy skin tags yet.

Do Your Ears Hang Low?

OMG, so I totally forgot the funniest thing from this weekend. After dinner Friday night, we were all driving home from the grocery and my dad and sister were all "you have to see this woman." So, my father proceeds to drive the whole shopping center parking lot to find this woman that we "had to see." Okay, she wasn't hidden, she was standing at a Wachovia in the middle of the shopping center and she was in plain sight near the bushes, not really hiding at all. Well, low and behold, the lady drops her pants and starts peeing against the wall. Totally hilarious and unexpected. Also, I'm pretty sure she had to have peed all over herself because she wasn't squatting, but standing to pee - which is pretty impossible when you're a woman.

PS - My sister and dad wanted us to see this lady because they were in shock at the size of her boobs and how gravity was treating them. Yes, we are a family that mocks random people for a good time on a Friday night. Feel free to judge us.

(Panda Bear feel free to comment on the hilarity of this sighting, since you were there and all...)

Weekend Update

Happy belated Father's Day to all the daddies and daddies-to-be out there! We had a good Father's Day weekend here in the CLT...lots of cute onesies, fattening breakfast food, and some wedding dress shopping. An eventful weekend all in all.

My gorgeous sister found the most unique and beautiful wedding dress this weekend for her wedding next summer. I want to post pictures of the dress, but don't know if I'm allowed...since her fiance may possibly glance at this site every once in a blue moon. So, sis, let me know if I can post pics or not. It's such a pretty dress, I feel we should share!

Instead, here are fun onesies given to my wonderful husband. I went with a "things your dad loves, so you must love too" theme.

I must say, I am a very lucky person to have such wonderful men in my life - both my husband and my father. And I'm even more lucky that they will be the role models for my son. I love you both very much!

Bling, Bling

My baby sis, my little panda bear, is engaged! Crazy, right? I feel so old knowing that my sister is getting married - so grown up! Her boyfriend surprised her with the perfect plan, and I'm so happy he was able to surprise her! She's a hard one to surprise.

He took her to Airlie Gardens in Wilmington under the guise of wanting to use his new camera & tripod. They walked along, enjoying the day and taking photos, when boom - down on one knee and popping the question. This is a photo after it happened - smart thing that timer on a tripod.

And here's the most gorgeous ring that he picked out - so shiny and blingy! Who says a school teacher can't rock a rock?!

Still Standing

Just thought you should know. In case you were worried, or missed me, or something...

I'm still pregnant, sick, and tired. Yay, the fun! I have 2 sonogram photos to post, but my lazy husband won't scan them for me. He's busy, allegedly. I think he's just lazy. (love you honey!)

James' mom is doing much better. She had a pacemaker installed on Monday, her feeding tube has been removed, and she's breathing on her own. They should be releasing her into a long-term care facility next week for rehab. We're hoping she'll only need to be in for a few months, and then be released to home.

So, there's the update. Very exciting stuff.

California Dreamin'

Right now my hubby is on a plane heading from San Diego to Charlotte, and I cannot wait for him to get home. This last week and a half has been the longest and most stressful week in a while, and we've still got a ways to go.

Last Wednesday night, J's mom had a massive heart attack. The call we got was to hurry out because they didn't think she was going to make it. This is not the call you want to get when you live on the other side of the country. Living in Charlotte, you'd think it'd be easy to catch a night flight out. Not the case. In fact, we ended up packing up, calling our bosses, and jumping in the car at 2am to drive to Atlanta for a flight at 8:30am. Needless to say, staying up for over 24 hours is not fun.

Luckily when we arrived, his mom was in stable condition in the ICU. However, the word stable is really misleading. It doesn't lead you to expect a feeding tube and ventilator. And seeing someone, especially your relative, all tubed up like that really makes it hard to think that everything is going to be okay. Not to mention the horrible hospital that she was in and the fight to get her transferred (longer story).

I left San Diego on Tuesday and have been home alone and missing my man for days, and I can't wait for him to get here tonight. Unfortunately, his mom is still in hospital and will be looking at major surgeries next week so he'll be heading back out. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that things go well and that she won't be in the hospital for many more weeks. All you can do is hope.

Yeats I Am Not

Ode to Silk

I love you chocolate Silk,

I drank you without guilt.

But when I read the nutritional label,

Your carbohydrates made my belly like a big fat dirigible.

I never claimed to be a poet...plus it's really hard to find something that rhymes with label!

Have ya'll tried Silk Chocolate? If not, do - but go for the low-fat version. I literally drank a whole carton yesterday. It's so smooth and creamy, and it was the only thing making my nauseous tummy happy. Of course now I know that our love must be denied. I cannot handle your passion Silk Chocolate - you consume me. And since I cannot say 'no' to you, I have banned you from the home (until my next craving).

Kindness

I just wanted to say a big thank you to everyone for their kind thoughts and words over the last week. It has really meant a lot to me to hear from all of you, and to know I have such wonderful friends. I mean, I knew had wonderful friends - but it can still be overwhelming, so thank you!

I've been trying to think of how to sum the trip up, and there's just no quick way to it. It was a long and depressing trip. The weather was lousy, we both got terribly sick, and the government made everything take longer than necessary. However, I did get to spend some quality time with my Danish cousins and great aunt. On the last day, we did get everything we set out to do accomplished. And I think my mom has closure, which is the only reason we went.

Funny things that happened on the way (or in) to Copenhagen:

• My mom's coworkers gave her a sympathy card which included $1000 for travelling. Unbelievably sweet.
• Mom got totally sloshed on her anxiety pills - many funny stories, and I will be mocking her for months.
• Movies on the plane: Balls of Fury, Rush Hour 3, and The Game Plan. It was like the trifecta of worst in-flight movies ever. And add Hairspray to that for the flight back. Horrible!
• FYI -The American Embassy in Copenhagen is only open from 2-4 pm, Monday-Friday. So, don't need anything unless it's during those hours. They'll just tell you "it's past hours."
• My cousin, Michael, introduced me to a hilarious BBC Show called Nighty Night
• Flu-fig-new-ber, or at least that's what I'm calling it since that's what it sounded like in Danish. Yummy chocolate treat!
• Children, children everywhere. Michael, I think they're following you.

Unexpected

My mom's mother passed away this week. We just found out today. I guess most people would call their mom's mother their grandma, but that seems inappropriate for this relationship. I didn't know my mom's mother. I wager to say that no one really did, at least not in a real sense. I know that my mother tried. I know she loved her with all her heart as a child, and watched as it was broken repeatedly by the one person that is supposed to love you from the start.

And yet this unexpected news of her death has us all thinking. For my mother, did she try hard enough to forge a relationship with her mother? The answer, yes. She did the best she could with what she was given, and in this case she wasn't given much. For myself (and I assume my sister), what was she like? What made her do, say and act the awful way she did? How can you be a mother, and yet have no sense of feeling for others let alone your own child? Are we like her at all, even a smidgen? Could things have been different? What if we could have called her grandma with pride? We are left with too many what if's.

Instead, my mom and I fly out to Copenhagen Friday to sort through what was and to close the book on what if's. My grandmother passed away alone in her apartment and wasn't found for days. It's the saddest and loneliest thing I can imagine, and yet also the most fitting.

Lax

Happy belated New Year all! I have been remiss in posting this year because I don't really have anything delightfully funny or interesting to say...yet. However, I do have lots of random grumblings to share, and who am I not to complain?!

• 200: So, at Starbucks today the guy behind me ordered his drink and then specified that it needed to be at least 200 degrees. How f*ing pretentious is that? First, how do you even know it's less than 200 degrees when you get the drink? Secondly, how are you even drinking that coffee at specified temperature without burning your tongue? I swear, if I worked at Starbucks I would have totally heated it to 197 just to mess with him!
• Kids + Coffee: While I'm talking about coffee, what's up with folks buying their kids coffee? Does anyone else think that's odd? I mean, does your 6 year old really need his java fix? Doesn't caffeine stunt your growth anyway, or is that just another lie my parents used to tell me?

On a positive note, I had a great Christmas. My parents LOVED the Wii, and it was so much fun playing it with them. They are still playing daily! My mom is now a "professional" bowler, and apparently my dad is pissed that she's beating him (since he actually used to be on a league). It was great to spend time with the family, and eat so much food! My pants are barely fitting, as scheduled. In fact, today I split the inner lining in my pants - not a good sign. Luckily, my colon cleanse arrived today. Perfect timing. I'm so excited about my 3-month cleanse. I'm sure my bum and my husband will be less excited after a few weeks. I'll keep you posted. Aren't you lucky!