Pickle Me This

Okay, I think I have an eating disorder or something. Seriously, I'm out of control with the cravings. I just ate a whole 16-ounce jar of Kosher Dill Chips. Literally, just now, as a snack. I mean, I've always loved pickles - but a whole jar! That's like 70 dill chips, ya'll! And I cannot lie my friends, I would have drank all the pickle juice too if James hadn't come in and taken the jar away from me.

I bought a pregnancy test today to take tomorrow morning. So, either I'm pregnant or this is the worst PMS ever.

Weird.

Yeats I Am Not

Ode to Silk

I love you chocolate Silk,

I drank you without guilt.

But when I read the nutritional label,

Your carbohydrates made my belly like a big fat dirigible.

I never claimed to be a poet...plus it's really hard to find something that rhymes with label!

Have ya'll tried Silk Chocolate? If not, do - but go for the low-fat version. I literally drank a whole carton yesterday. It's so smooth and creamy, and it was the only thing making my nauseous tummy happy. Of course now I know that our love must be denied. I cannot handle your passion Silk Chocolate - you consume me. And since I cannot say 'no' to you, I have banned you from the home (until my next craving).

Fruitless

All the symptoms, none of the benefits.

• Sore breasts, check.
• Heartburn & indigestion, check.
• Cramping, check.
• Nausea, check.
• Cravings, check.
• Moodiness, check.

I'd get excited if the symptoms for pregnancy weren't the same as the symptoms for menstruation. I guess I'll find out this week.

No Big O

OMG can I just say that I feel like Oprah totally dissed us today. Breezy, CindyLooHoo, T-Ann and myself dialed like crazy today on multiple phones to get through on the Oprah Ticket line and never got further than multiple busy signals and "circuits are busy." How could you crush our dreams O? We worked our fingers to the bone dialing from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. and yet got no love from the O.

Sadness.

Odds and Ends

If you have a lazy weekend coming up, here are some movies I'd recommend -

• The Kingdom: Okay, I refused to go see this in the theater with James because Jamie Foxx just gets on my nerves. Yes, he was phenomenal in Ray and Dreamgirls, but since then he's gotten so full of himself and just annoyed me in interviews, so I have sort of refused to see his movies. Well, James pitched a fit that we rent it this weekend since I ruined his life by not going to see it in the theater. And, I have to admit that it was really quite good. Rent it, you'll like it.
• Feast of Love: I really wanted to see this when it came out, but it was too 'girly' for James. However, he was pleasantly surprised by the fact that it's sort of a indie/art house movie and there is a lot of nudity - full on T & A. Beyond that, it was a very good love story. It was full of redemption, hope and the intricacies of all relationships. I really enjoyed it - and your man will too when you tell him about all the booby scenes.
• The Jane Austen Book Club: Jane Austen, 'nuff said. It's a great ensemble cast - Maria Bello & Emily Blunt to name a few - and it follows the lives of several characters as they proceed through all 6 of Jane Austen's novels. Plus, it has cutie Hugh Dancy (ella enchanted anyone? am i the only person over 25 with no kids that loves that movie?!). Definitely girly, so watch it without the boys - and then go right into Pride & Prejudice!
• Deathproof: Again, evil me wouldn't go to the theaters to see this when it came out. It seemed so stupid. I'm not a 'hot rod' kind of person. James has been begging to rent it for months and I finally gave in. I love Tarantino - sure he's annoying as hell, but I always love his movies - and Deathproof was no let down. Full of gratuitous, over-the-top violence, cursing, strong women and good music - it's a total Tarantino. If you don't like violent movies, then avoid. If you're like me, enjoy!

So, can you tell what I did this weekend?

TGIF

Can a 5-year old get any cuter? I think not!

What more could a little girl want for her birthday - friends, dressing up, make-up and a little tea party! Happy belated 5th birthday Miss Lila Brooke!

There's no real reason for this post. It's been a long and arduous week and this just perks me up!

Vicious Circle

Update on Project Seed Pod, in case anyone cares - besides me. I went to the girly doctor today, so much fun. My cycle has varied from 23 to 32 days - not good. We're going to keep tracking my cycle, and she thinks that things will even out. Apparently she believes stress over the last few months has made my cycle go wonky.

Stress is apparently preventing me from getting pregnant. Stress causes me to eat more, which causes me to gain weight. My recent weight gain is not helping me to get pregnant. I'm stressed because I'm not pregnant. Oh stress, what a wicked web you weave!

The doc won't even discuss infertility issues until August (when it's an official year). Argh, I hate this waste of time and all the waiting. In the interim, I should have sex every other day until mid-month. I should be more excited about that than I am. Instead, it feels like work. Making a baby is just hard work. All this work is making me stressed.