To the douche bags that robbed my car Sunday night/Monday morning - you suck! How dare you come on to my property and break into my car! While we're at it, what's up with the trashing of the car? Did you let a wild mongoose loose in there! And hello, you got like 15 Cd's...wahoo for you. Are Cd's even worth anything anymore? Did you earn anything from stealing from me and my neighbor? Seriously, what are you gonna get, like $40? What a profit. I'm sure it was worth the possibility of being caught and jailed.
While I thank you for not causing any permanent damage to my car, I am wishing you nothing but bad vibes for disrupting my idea of safety at my home. I want you to know that while I am a democrat, I am very republican in my view of guns. I am a proud NRA member (unless it's expired, or if it matters that I didn't change my maiden name yet...but you get the point). And I swear upon all that is holy - if you ever come on my property again and I even hear a crackle of my grass, I will shoot first and ask questions later.
And also, I will have you know that the soundtrack for the Sound of Music is a Julie Andrews and Rodgers & Hammerstein classic. I am somewhat offended that you left it behind when you rooted through my music choices. Get some culture, jack-offs!
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Friday, June 20, 2008
Just Think Happy Thoughts
TGIF Mutha *Uckers! Whoo-hoo! Since it's been such a stressful week all-around....I thought I'd post about things that make me happy lately. You know, to show how well-rounded I am and all.
- Pop Tarts - Yum! Strawberry, Raspberry and Smores - oh, my! For breakfast or a snack, the perfect meal at all times.
- Warm Delights - Seriously, you guys need to try these.
- ColdStone Creamery - Have you guys tried CHOCOLATE cake batter ice cream? Heaven!
- Tivo - I have been recording old episodes of "What I Like About You" and "Gilmore Girls." Every night I come home, watch an episode and it makes me smile.
- Baby onesies
- Online sales
And now for more weekly onesies, brought to you by a sale at Baby Gap online!
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Desserts
Can I just whine for a minute? I am so stressed out! They are laying off 11% of our company right now, and that includes sales staff. In fact, it includes like 25 of us. So that's a fun waiting game to deal with...and then I just found out that I'm being shifted from my current team (whom I love) to a new team in a totally different office, which is not close to my home at all. I've been really upset about this, and overly hormonal about it. Honestly, every time I think about it, I cry. The lamest analogy I can think of is it feels like I'm a senior in high school with 4 months to go before graduation, and my parents have just told me we're moving immediately. Yeah, kinda lame, I should be happy to still have a job, but it sucks. Oh, and then we just found out today that they are probably going to be changing our compensation plan as of August (and not for the better, of course). I feel like I'm in the "home stretch" of this pregnancy, and now everything is just totally breaking down at work. The stress of it all is really just pushing me to a breaking point. Obviously I am going to do everything I can to just hang in there for 120 more days, but I can't take this type of maintained stress level for that time period.
Oh, and to top off my day, I got home from work and heard our cat, Nixon, howling upstairs. This typically means that his curiosity got him locked in a room for the day since we close most of our upstairs rooms when we leave the house. And yes, J locked the cat in the guest room today - usually not a big deal. However, I guess Nixon's bladder couldn't handle it today...so he peed all over the bed (not kidding, like 3 separate big spots). I wasn't happy about it, but what can you do. I went to get the sheets, down comforter, and blanket off and I hear a "plop"...yep, he pooped on the bed too. I broke down...I called J and told him "You locked the cat in the room. I'm pregnant. There's poop. It could kill the baby. I'm closing the door, and you're cleaning it when you get home." Nixon has since been crying and sulking all night because mommy was pissed at him and refused to pet or snuggle with him all night. Yes, my cat is not normal and must have our attention at all times. When he doesn't get this, he acts like a petulant 2-year old.
Oh, and to top off my day, I got home from work and heard our cat, Nixon, howling upstairs. This typically means that his curiosity got him locked in a room for the day since we close most of our upstairs rooms when we leave the house. And yes, J locked the cat in the guest room today - usually not a big deal. However, I guess Nixon's bladder couldn't handle it today...so he peed all over the bed (not kidding, like 3 separate big spots). I wasn't happy about it, but what can you do. I went to get the sheets, down comforter, and blanket off and I hear a "plop"...yep, he pooped on the bed too. I broke down...I called J and told him "You locked the cat in the room. I'm pregnant. There's poop. It could kill the baby. I'm closing the door, and you're cleaning it when you get home." Nixon has since been crying and sulking all night because mommy was pissed at him and refused to pet or snuggle with him all night. Yes, my cat is not normal and must have our attention at all times. When he doesn't get this, he acts like a petulant 2-year old.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Do Your Ears Hang Low?
OMG, so I totally forgot the funniest thing from this weekend. After dinner Friday night, we were all driving home from the grocery and my dad and sister were all "you have to see this woman." So, my father proceeds to drive the whole shopping center parking lot to find this woman that we "had to see." Okay, she wasn't hidden, she was standing at a Wachovia in the middle of the shopping center and she was in plain sight near the bushes, not really hiding at all. Well, low and behold, the lady drops her pants and starts peeing against the wall. Totally hilarious and unexpected. Also, I'm pretty sure she had to have peed all over herself because she wasn't squatting, but standing to pee - which is pretty impossible when you're a woman.
PS - My sister and dad wanted us to see this lady because they were in shock at the size of her boobs and how gravity was treating them. Yes, we are a family that mocks random people for a good time on a Friday night. Feel free to judge us.
(Panda Bear feel free to comment on the hilarity of this sighting, since you were there and all...)
PS - My sister and dad wanted us to see this lady because they were in shock at the size of her boobs and how gravity was treating them. Yes, we are a family that mocks random people for a good time on a Friday night. Feel free to judge us.
(Panda Bear feel free to comment on the hilarity of this sighting, since you were there and all...)
Weekend Update
Happy belated Father's Day to all the daddies and daddies-to-be out there! We had a good Father's Day weekend here in the CLT...lots of cute onesies, fattening breakfast food, and some wedding dress shopping. An eventful weekend all in all.
My gorgeous sister found the most unique and beautiful wedding dress this weekend for her wedding next summer. I want to post pictures of the dress, but don't know if I'm allowed...since her fiance may possibly glance at this site every once in a blue moon. So, sis, let me know if I can post pics or not. It's such a pretty dress, I feel we should share!
Instead, here are fun onesies given to my wonderful husband. I went with a "things your dad loves, so you must love too" theme.
I must say, I am a very lucky person to have such wonderful men in my life - both my husband and my father. And I'm even more lucky that they will be the role models for my son. I love you both very much!
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Behind Bars
We picked up the crib this weekend and ordered the rest of the baby room furniture. It's actually an irritating story. We were in Durham Saturday for Jennifer's baby shower (so fun, by the way!) and rushed home Sunday to get to the Babies-R-Us in time to pick up the crib before closing. It was a zillion degrees and we had to wait forever for them to find the crib in the stock room...and then when they wheel it out, it is huge! I mean, way too big to fit in the Element, let alone if we had an F150 truck. The damn box was 60" x 56" x 12" and 100 pounds. I mean, what are we buying here? Was there no other way to box this sucker? I swear, it's not that big when it's unpackaged. Anywho, the annoying part was when the stock person rolled the crib out to our car she was like "This ain't gonna fit in that car. Why didn't you bring a truck?" Hello, an Element, when emptied out, has a crapload of space. I didn't realize we were bringing home Sputnik. Also, we don't know anyone with a truck except my Dad and he lives over an hour away. Also, I think the crib would have eaten his little truck. When I asked if we could just have it delivered, which I would have scheduled when I ordered it if they had told me how big the damn box was, she was like "We don't do delivery." What freaking store that carries a huge selection of furniture doesn't offer delivery service? Seriously! Instead, they have a "guy" that they refer folks to, but he's not an employee or affiliated with the store at all. So, yeah, somewhat sketchy. However, we were desperate and we called. He was great, and was able to actually pick it up and deliver it the same day for a decent fee. So, we have the crib!
The matching dresser should be here in another 2 weeks, and the armoire will be here in 16 weeks. Yeah, 16 weeks. Crazy! Let's hope it gets here before the baby!
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Ginormous
So imagine it's a gorgeous, albeit overly hot, Friday morning and you are driving with one of your co-workers to a client meeting. You get to said client meeting and what do you see? A fight - yes, a fight. We pulled up to the office and see my client literally in a ghetto screaming fight with one of her customers. Needless to say, I parked the car a bit off from the scene, rolled the window down to listen, and we proceeded to "pretend" to be gathering all of our materials for the meeting so we could totally spy. It was hilarious! Honestly, I thought it was going to degenerate into fisticuffs...which would have been a sight to behold since my client is like 5' and the opponent was looking like an Amazonian in comparison. There was yelling, cursing, hand waving, neck rolling, and threats of "you don't know me," "I'm gonna sue your ass!" and my favorite, "Bring it, bitch!" Ah, what a morning! Somehow it made me feel better just knowing that my clients have whack-a-doo customers too.
After everything calmed down, we proceeded to go in for our meeting. At the beginning of which, my client looks me up and down with an odd scowl and says, "Why do you look so different?" Let me say it was not a friendly, "Damn girl, you look good!" tone. It was a "You look like a 400-lb fatty, what's going on?" kinda tone. To whit I replied, "Well, I'm pregnant, so you probably haven't seen me since I started to show." And then she says, and this takes the cake, "Your BOOBS are HUGE!" Not only does she say it, she says it loudly, and in front of the whole store - men and women alike. I am sure I turned the same shade of red as my cute little wrap dress. Then she says, "How far along are you?" As in, "How far along are you so I can judge if you have gained the appropriate amount of weight or not." I replied, "Almost 5 months" and she says, "Oh, that's it." I guess 5 months met her weight gain to pregnancy ratio?
I mean, I have been feeling really good about my weight gain and comfortable in my size. Hell, even pretty and sexy. So to have some little 5' midget appraise me was really annoying and somewhat unnerving. I have always been sensitive about my breast size. I am a girl with large boobs, always have been. Even at my skinniest of days, my boobs were always large. I am self-conscious about it. I can't stand them, in fact. A lot of people say things about wishing their boobs were larger, but when you are a double-D and then the first trimester of pregnancy makes you a triple-D, it ain't fun. Even before pregnancy and my married bliss weight gain, I was a D. Bras at a D level and higher are rarely cute and sexy. They are always functional. They don't come in pretty little lacy designs, they are all about basic colors and tons of wiring for support. Functional means huge straps, 4 to 6 hooks, and so much coverage that you have to watch the cut of your shirts or you will show off your grandma-like bra. I can't even imagine what's going to happen once my boobs have milk in them. I may actually crush people by accident.
Here's the thing that kills me about pregnancy. Everyone that has children feels entitled to have an opinion about your pregnancy. And it's not just an opinion, it's an expert opinion. From weight gain, to bottles, to exercise, to birth, to child rearing. And while sometimes it's welcome advice, more often than not it's overbearing and intrusive. So before you open your mouth and speak to a pregnant woman, remember this - hormones are a bitch, and I would sure hate to slap your ass.
After everything calmed down, we proceeded to go in for our meeting. At the beginning of which, my client looks me up and down with an odd scowl and says, "Why do you look so different?" Let me say it was not a friendly, "Damn girl, you look good!" tone. It was a "You look like a 400-lb fatty, what's going on?" kinda tone. To whit I replied, "Well, I'm pregnant, so you probably haven't seen me since I started to show." And then she says, and this takes the cake, "Your BOOBS are HUGE!" Not only does she say it, she says it loudly, and in front of the whole store - men and women alike. I am sure I turned the same shade of red as my cute little wrap dress. Then she says, "How far along are you?" As in, "How far along are you so I can judge if you have gained the appropriate amount of weight or not." I replied, "Almost 5 months" and she says, "Oh, that's it." I guess 5 months met her weight gain to pregnancy ratio?
I mean, I have been feeling really good about my weight gain and comfortable in my size. Hell, even pretty and sexy. So to have some little 5' midget appraise me was really annoying and somewhat unnerving. I have always been sensitive about my breast size. I am a girl with large boobs, always have been. Even at my skinniest of days, my boobs were always large. I am self-conscious about it. I can't stand them, in fact. A lot of people say things about wishing their boobs were larger, but when you are a double-D and then the first trimester of pregnancy makes you a triple-D, it ain't fun. Even before pregnancy and my married bliss weight gain, I was a D. Bras at a D level and higher are rarely cute and sexy. They are always functional. They don't come in pretty little lacy designs, they are all about basic colors and tons of wiring for support. Functional means huge straps, 4 to 6 hooks, and so much coverage that you have to watch the cut of your shirts or you will show off your grandma-like bra. I can't even imagine what's going to happen once my boobs have milk in them. I may actually crush people by accident.
Here's the thing that kills me about pregnancy. Everyone that has children feels entitled to have an opinion about your pregnancy. And it's not just an opinion, it's an expert opinion. From weight gain, to bottles, to exercise, to birth, to child rearing. And while sometimes it's welcome advice, more often than not it's overbearing and intrusive. So before you open your mouth and speak to a pregnant woman, remember this - hormones are a bitch, and I would sure hate to slap your ass.
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