A Letter

I know Willow Smith is all the rage on the tween music scene, but I think that these young ladies may have something more profound to offer than "Whip My Hair."

These girls are so well-spoken and have such a good message. I would love to see the girls and their parents on Oprah, along with Lil' Wayne, for an open discussion about how the words we use carry weight and influence others. I'd watch.

Free To Be Just Three

Recently, I had a discussion with a friend over lunch about the pressure to procreate. As a person that already has one child, I am referring to the external pressure to add another to the mix. Although I'd wager that as a married couple without children, you'd face even more pressure. What's wrong with you? Why haven't you had a child yet? I remember those questions starting as soon as we returned from our honeymoon. Either way, where does that pressure come from? It's a very personal decision (to have a child or to have more children), so why does everyone that knows you or has just met you feel entitled to ask the question?

So, in our case, I am happy being a family of three. I love our son very much and I enjoy being a mother, but I'm just not sure that adding another to the mix is necessary. I know it is not something we are ready or interested in doing at this point in our lives. And yet when I say that I am happy with just one child, it's like I am an oddball. As if because I became a mother, I am now committed to having those 2.5 kids. And hey, there are times that I *think* that having another kid could be nice...maybe. But they are just gut reactions to seeing a cute little blonde boy running around and wondering what a second child would look like. This is not a reason to have a kid. And then I think, am I doing Ben a disservice if we decide that he should be an only child? There are definite pro's (hello, we could not stress so much about money), but you rarely hear an only child say that they loved being the only one. My mom was an only child, and I heard all my life about how much she wished she had had brothers and sisters growing up. And I like the *idea* of Ben having a sibling to rely on when he's older, especially when dealing with the stresses of potentially caring for aging parents. Again, not a great reason to have a child.

At this point, I am firm in my enjoyment of being a family of three. Maybe one day we will change our minds. Either way, stop questioning me about when I will have another. Just because I am a mother does not mean that I want a gaggle of children. And if I choose to have just one, it's just as valid as your choice to have five. And for those married folks out there who are happy without children (gasp), good for you. And for those married folks out there that want kids but just haven't been able to yet, I really, really apologize if I ever contributed to that constant questioning.

What 'Chu Watching?

What's up folks! Are there any of you out there? I am so random in my postings, I wouldn't blame you all for turning the page. Anywhoodle, what are you up to? I have been applying for jobs, still, and just being a bit of a lazy mom. If I were Ben, I'd fire me for not being more fun....but he's 2, so what does he know? He'll figure it out later, and can go to therapy to complain about how his mom didn't do enough art projects and such with him when he was a wee lad and stunted his creative growth. In the interim, I am proud to say that I have introduced him to the wonders of old school Tom & Jerry cartoons. He is addicted! What, you say? He shouldn't be watching so much television at his age? Yes, you're probably right. But mommy really needs to not build with blocks, race trucks and read book #984 about Thomas - so cartoons it is. And honestly, I am so glad that he likes something that I can watch and not want to poke my eyes out. Tom & Jerry is great folks, but only the classic episodes. And my kid, he is an efficianado - he knows the new crap isn't as good as the originals, and will not watch the slicker Tom & Jerry eps that Cartoon Network offers up. I take joy in passing this love of the classics on to my child. Next up, Bugs Bunny.

I have also had some free time to invest in new programming. Is anyone else out there a Fringe fan? Thanks to the lovely Beckers, I am now a total Fringe geek (or Cortexa-fan, inside joke). I troll message boards and fan blogs just to get a fix in between episodes. I haven't been this obsessed with a show since Gilmore Girls. Yes, odd reference since they are complete opposites in genre (but I digress). If you aren't watching Fringe, then shame on you! For me, Fringe is a mix of X-Files, Bones, Torchwood, Dr. Who, Lost, Inception, and so much more. The ensemble cast is amazing. And did I mention that Pacey, urh, Joshua Jackson is fun eye-candy? The writing is so intricate and layered, much like Lost, but it is just so much better. I just cannot express fully how great this show is. It is currently in its third season on Fox, Fridays at 9pm. I caught up on Season 1 and 2 via Amazon VOD, but you can find it many other places as well. In fact, you can watch the first 10 episodes of Season 1 here. Check it out!

My other recommendation is to watch An Idiot Abroad on the Science channel, Saturdays at 10pm. It is from Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant and is hilarious. If you have listened to any of The Ricky Gervais show on radio or HBO, then you are familiar with their favorite moron, Karl Pilkington. The show sends Karl to the seven wonders of the world and follows him as he tours the sites and the cultures. It is seriously hilarious, and honestly very telling of how many people view world travel (including me at times).

Okay folks, gotta run. Hope all is well in your worlds!

Reality Sucks.

The reason I haven't been blogging lately is that if I did, I would have to rename it "I Grumble, A Lot." I am in a deep funk, and really don't want to whine, whine, whine all day when there are people with bigger and more serious problems than mine. On the other hand, this is my damn blog and I am depressed and need to vent.

People, I am broke. Broke as a joke. Staying at home with Ben has been a blessing, and I know I'm lucky to have had the opportunity, and I know that I will always treasure this time, etc., etc. But I am broke. I have spent all of my savings to stay home for 2 years, and for the last six months have been totally dependent on my husband. And yes, I know, that's what a husband is for...but I don't like it. I don't like being dependent on anyone for anything. I don't like not having an income. I don't like not being able to contribute financially. I don't like having to ask for money and explain what it's for...and no, it's not like he's the CFO and I have to turn in an expense request sheet, but still it feels like I have to ask and explain. I don't like it. I don't like that I am now getting in arrears on certain things because hey, the hubs doesn't have lots of extra cash laying about either. So it stinks. Being broke stinks.

I have been looking for work and interviewing and basically nobody wants me. It feels a lot like being punished for taking time off to spend with my kid. I mean, my skillset is still the same - but it feels like I am being penalized for that time off. Also, the hubs is pressuring me to just take a job, any job. And I get where that's coming from - some money coming in is better than no money coming in. But I am loathe to do that because hey, I had a career before Ben happened. I was doing well, working my way up the compensation chain, and to just accept any job feels like defeat. It feels like I am saying that my worth diminished because I chose to be a stay at home mom. I would never ask my husband to take a $30-40K pay cut just to get a job. I mean, I get it, if push comes to shove, I'll work at Target if need be - I'm not so stubborn that I'd go bankrupt and let my kid starve or something. But while it's bad, I don't feel like it's time to admit career defeat and just accept some crap, entry-level job. And I know, how dare I complain when people are out there looking for much longer than I and would gladly accept a crap job - but hey, this is my blog and I should be allowed to complain about what I want here without worry of judgement.

And speaking of judgement, can I just complain a minute about fucking idiots on reality television who make six figures for being fucking idiots? Seriously, it pisses me off to no end that people from The Jersey Shore and Teen Mom are making bank while most of America is in the poor house. Fucking Snooki! She "wrote" a book, and the idiot masses will buy it. WTF? Who knew that stupid and slutty sold so well. Man, what was I thinking with that whole college degree and then working my way up...dummy! I should have just been a loud-mouthed, ignorant whore and I could have had it made.

I Is Alive

that is all. also, we have moved. so, lots of stuff that i should be posting about. i'm lazy. but you knew that, right?

happy holidays.

Sigh of Relief

I am still struggling with breaking Ben from his bottle. He only wants it with his milk, and I have given in to his demands. I am ashamed every time we're in public and he demands the bottle. I am annoyed every time my mom nags at me about it. I feel like I am a bad mom when I see all my friends kids' off the bottle and loving sippy cups or real glasses. So you cannot imagine how giddy I became when I ran across this photo...

This is Gwen Stefani with her youngest son, Zuma, at his 2nd birthday party. What's that I spy? A Born Free bottle in little Zuma's hands? Yes! Somehow I feel less like a complete loser knowing that another mother is letting her son enjoy the bottle. It must be something about those Born Free bottle! Ben loves his too. Sure, I know I still need to get him to kick the habit...but I feel a little less ashamed knowing she's waging the same war.

Converting

I am taking this house selling business to a higher power. Oh yes, I am burying a St. Joseph statue tomorrow! Have you not heard of this little ritual? Just google it, and you'll get tons of sites and sellers. I am burying my little Saint tomorrow and saying my prayer. What can it hurt?