Fatty, Fatty 2x4

OH. MY. GOD. I am so f*ing fat right now that I just want to curl in a ball and hide. (Yes, I know this will not solve my fat problem and only serve to worsen it.) I am on my way to the funeral today and I don't know why it didn't cross my mind earlier this week to maybe try on some clothes to see if they would fit. I was just so sure that my black dress would work. Wrong. The dress won't even go over my boobs. Then I moved on to a skirt, nope - not zipping that unless my waist becomes the area right under my boobs. So, my trusty grey pants have to work...right? Hell no. OMG, what the hell am I going to wear?

Here's the thing - while I've lost a good chunk of the baby weight, I haven't lost the last 10-15 pounds. The other issue is that I have, unfortunately, weighed this horribly fat weight before, but my body shape is totally different since the birth of the baby. So while my fat clothes should fit, they don't because the fat is hanging out in totally different places than before. UGH!!

I should get a fatty award because I just figured out how to fit into my grey pants and only look a little like a stuffed sausage. I have the Spanx on under the pants, which was a feat, and yet they still won't button...so on top of that I have the Bella Band from my first trimester of pregnancy. It's not pretty, but it'll do. I was only one step away from breaking out the full on maternity dress or pants, but all the people I will see today would have recognized that I was still in maternity and I could never do that. I'd be so ashamed.

This is why I wear sweatpants every day. So much easier.

In Memoriam

On Sunday, one of my close friends lost her husband to a battle with an unnamed foe. I hesitate to post about this, as it's her story to share...and in time, I am sure she will. However, I want to write about what an amazing woman my friend is, and how much I admire and love her.

Melissa and Pete were married only a few years, and for over half of that time Melissa was bravely and lovingly handling what most of us believe we won't have to deal with until we are much, much older. At 30, you don't imagine that your husband will get sick. You don't envision multiple rounds of MRIs, spinal taps, CT scans, and tons of doctors visits - all performed, with still no answer as to why the person you love is deteriorating. Melissa you have amazed me with what you have been through, and how you have handled it all with a positive attitude. Always seeing the bright side and celebrating the small victories. You are stronger than you know, and Pete was blessed to have you always by his side.

We are young. We live our lives as if it's all ahead of us, and for most of us it is. When Melissa met Pete, her life was forever changed. When I met Melissa, my life was forever changed. Melissa, words cannot express how profoundly sad I am for your loss and how much I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all better. You have taught me to never take any day for granted, to be thankful for what we have, to always tell those you love what is in your heart, and to try to face it all with a positive attitude.