Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Unexpected

My mom's mother passed away this week. We just found out today. I guess most people would call their mom's mother their grandma, but that seems inappropriate for this relationship. I didn't know my mom's mother. I wager to say that no one really did, at least not in a real sense. I know that my mother tried. I know she loved her with all her heart as a child, and watched as it was broken repeatedly by the one person that is supposed to love you from the start.

And yet this unexpected news of her death has us all thinking. For my mother, did she try hard enough to forge a relationship with her mother? The answer, yes. She did the best she could with what she was given, and in this case she wasn't given much. For myself (and I assume my sister), what was she like? What made her do, say and act the awful way she did? How can you be a mother, and yet have no sense of feeling for others let alone your own child? Are we like her at all, even a smidgen? Could things have been different? What if we could have called her grandma with pride? We are left with too many what if's.

Instead, my mom and I fly out to Copenhagen Friday to sort through what was and to close the book on what if's. My grandmother passed away alone in her apartment and wasn't found for days. It's the saddest and loneliest thing I can imagine, and yet also the most fitting.

6 comments:

Beckers said...

Yikes, that is sad. But definitely fitting, from what I know about the lady. My own unanswered question is, "Was there anything that anyone could have done?" Maybe she was just a miserable but sane person…or maybe she had some kind of mental illness that could explain her actions. Maybe even something treatable. So sad…

Anyway, I'm excited that you finally get to visit Denmark—just wish you were going under happier circumstances. *hug*

amanda said...

well-you definitely hit the nail on the head with how I feel, and the questions I have always asked myself. I just hope that mom can stop beating herself up, and know that she did all that she could-relationships are not one-sided...she couldn't make something out of nothing. The good thing that came out of her (unfortunate) shitty upbringing is that she is an amazing mother to us! So glad that you are able to go with mom to Denmark-thank God one of us actually travels and has a passport. I know it means the world to her-and you are such a strong person, it will be good for you to go with her. I love you both very much and will be thinking of you while you're gone. Have a safe trip-and in June we will return under (hopefully) better circumstances! XOXOXOXOXO

Buford Betty said...

Wow... so sad! I'm sorry for the loss and all the questions it has brought on. Sadly enough, I know your grandmother isn't the only mother out there like this. Some things just can't be explained, but it is great that your mother put in the effort. Thinking of you all! Safe travels!

Anonymous said...

Oh no- so so sorry to hear about your loss! I have the same relationship (or lack thereof!) w my mother so I totally get it. Hopefully the trip will put an end to some of your questions and bring a little peace to your family. Hugs!!

CindyLooHoo said...

So sorry you and your mom are having to go through this. I never could understand a mother acting in such a spiteful way...be it a blessing that your mother did not take her cue and follow in the same path. Being someone who lost her mother at the age of 44, I am thankful to have had a mother who, like yours, is pretty amazing (to quote your sister :)

Preppy Pink Crocodile said...

hey- that was me, not anonymous. i have no idea why it says that. sorry. hope you are having a safe trip that ends with a fair amount of closure!

hugs!