My First F...

So I had the big, bad glucose test on Monday for gestational diabetes...and I failed. The docs want you to have 135 mg/dl or less, and my overachieving self was a big ole 175. I have to admit I was really shocked when the nurse told me the number. Absolutely shocked. I was all ready to head home and take a nap, but instead I had to take the walk of shame back to the OB's office. When I arrived, the receptionists were like "You're back? You failed? You get an F for the day!" I guess they thought this type of humor was funny and light-hearted, but it made me crumble inside. I held it together while I sat in the waiting room to see the head nurse, but I felt like I was sitting outside the principal's office about to get a talking to. I swear, I could feel the judgement rolling off of her. I mean, she didn't say anything bad, but she also didn't say anything good either. It just really pissed me off and made me feel like somehow I'm a bad mother already. But then I realized that it wasn't just me waiting to see her, but that 2 other women were waiting too. That's right, all 3 of us "failed" our glucose tests that morning...And that made me feel better because they were all WTF too. After finding out that I have to go back in next week for a torturous 3-hour testing session (ugh, drinking multiple sugary drinks and multiple blood draws = nightmare. Not to mention the crazy carbo-load diet and then 12-hour fast...), I had to pry out of her how often folks fail the first test and pass the second. Her response, "Oh, it's quite common." Well hello, why don't you people lead with that! Why do you let us sit out there and squirm and feel horrible about our mothering skills, when it's "quite common." Bitches.

And yes, I know gestational diabetes isn't really my fault...but you can't help but feel that if I do have it, that somehow along the last 7 months I've done something wrong.

Keep your fingers crossed for my 8/19 results as a "pass." I don't want the GD!