Fatty, Fatty 2x4

OH. MY. GOD. I am so f*ing fat right now that I just want to curl in a ball and hide. (Yes, I know this will not solve my fat problem and only serve to worsen it.) I am on my way to the funeral today and I don't know why it didn't cross my mind earlier this week to maybe try on some clothes to see if they would fit. I was just so sure that my black dress would work. Wrong. The dress won't even go over my boobs. Then I moved on to a skirt, nope - not zipping that unless my waist becomes the area right under my boobs. So, my trusty grey pants have to work...right? Hell no. OMG, what the hell am I going to wear?

Here's the thing - while I've lost a good chunk of the baby weight, I haven't lost the last 10-15 pounds. The other issue is that I have, unfortunately, weighed this horribly fat weight before, but my body shape is totally different since the birth of the baby. So while my fat clothes should fit, they don't because the fat is hanging out in totally different places than before. UGH!!

I should get a fatty award because I just figured out how to fit into my grey pants and only look a little like a stuffed sausage. I have the Spanx on under the pants, which was a feat, and yet they still won't button...so on top of that I have the Bella Band from my first trimester of pregnancy. It's not pretty, but it'll do. I was only one step away from breaking out the full on maternity dress or pants, but all the people I will see today would have recognized that I was still in maternity and I could never do that. I'd be so ashamed.

This is why I wear sweatpants every day. So much easier.

In Memoriam

On Sunday, one of my close friends lost her husband to a battle with an unnamed foe. I hesitate to post about this, as it's her story to share...and in time, I am sure she will. However, I want to write about what an amazing woman my friend is, and how much I admire and love her.

Melissa and Pete were married only a few years, and for over half of that time Melissa was bravely and lovingly handling what most of us believe we won't have to deal with until we are much, much older. At 30, you don't imagine that your husband will get sick. You don't envision multiple rounds of MRIs, spinal taps, CT scans, and tons of doctors visits - all performed, with still no answer as to why the person you love is deteriorating. Melissa you have amazed me with what you have been through, and how you have handled it all with a positive attitude. Always seeing the bright side and celebrating the small victories. You are stronger than you know, and Pete was blessed to have you always by his side.

We are young. We live our lives as if it's all ahead of us, and for most of us it is. When Melissa met Pete, her life was forever changed. When I met Melissa, my life was forever changed. Melissa, words cannot express how profoundly sad I am for your loss and how much I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all better. You have taught me to never take any day for granted, to be thankful for what we have, to always tell those you love what is in your heart, and to try to face it all with a positive attitude.

Little Big Man

I can't believe it's been 2 months! The time has just flown by, and little Ben is growing by leaps and bounds and doing one amazing thing after the other - but I may be biased. We had our 2-month appointment today and all is well. He's a big baby boy, weighing in at 15 pounds and 6 ounces - or "off the charts" as the nurse practitioner told us. What can I say, we made a big baby!

We had our first round of shots today, and he did such a good job! I know I was more upset than he was, but it was scary for mommy. I mean, they just come in there and jab him without much of a warning or anything. Bam, bam, bam - 3 shots in a minute. He screamed, but then I picked him up and he calmed right down. Of course the rest of the day he's been a bit more irritable and achy, so we've had our first experience with baby Tylenol. So far, he likes the grape flavor the best.

Well, I have so much more to share - like the birth story, the first weeks home, how much I miss adult interaction, etc...but I need to go to bed and get a few hours of shut-eye before the little man wakes up for his middle of the night feeding.

I will return to posting...once I figure out how to hold the baby and type. Until then...

Benny! Benny! Benny and his chins!

So, Stacy has been a bit busy....and I can't stand it! :)

I just had to put some pictures up here for you all to see! Ben is growing bunches and doing so much!

He makes a cute little snorty sound (similar to Stacy's laugh), looks like he's smiling, is already practicing standing, has grown man sounding poots, and has developed the cutest rolls! Also, he seems to enjoy watching TV (hmmmm...where did he get that from?), stretches his arms out and wiggles his wrists, and no longer likes to sleep in his pack-n-play!

This is Love

While, exhausted, we are all still alive and well! Mommy, Daddy and baby are still trying to figure out how this whole "parenthood" thing works - but we're slowly, but surely, figuring things out. We're taking things day by day, and sometimes hour by hour.

It's amazing how much you can be in love with someone you've only known for seconds, but it's true. As soon as they hand you that baby, it's love at first sight. What they don't tell you about is the worry and anxiety - how you just want to make sure he's happy and healthy at all times. How it breaks your heart to hear him cry for just a second - even when you know he's fine. And how it's hard to sleep at all because you won't be able to watch him if you're sleeping.

James and I are just so amazed that we made this little precious boy. He is so wonderful - healthy, happy, sweet, good-natured and adorable. Every minute with him is just so worth it all. The horrible labor and delivery, the slow and painful recovery, the sleepless nights and the anxiety - it's all worth it just to look at his face.

Aunt Amanda's Two Cents....

Ok, well-I first must say that I am so thrilled that little Ben waited until I was in the vicinity to make his appearance! Having been at the hospital with Stacy from the beginning-I cannot put into words how amazing she was. She was in pain, having contractions, sleep deprived, and famished-but managed to (bitch!) look beautiful, be polite to each nurse and person who entered her room, and be so brave!!

After many, many, many hours of contractions and waiting, she was given the "ok" to start pushing! I won't spill the beans about how long it took or what she went through, but I will tell you that it was so worth it! Ben is the cutest kid I've ever seen-and so sweet! He makes the cutest faces (even the little "elvis face" that Stacy made when she was a baby)! He is the perfect combination of James and Stacy--and I cannot wait to see him grow up! (Although....I don't really want him to ever get any bigger)! :)