Mission Accomplished

So after the maybe-positives on the pregnancy tests, I was finally able to get an appointment at the doctor. Well, not my usual doctor, but a totally new doctor. Yep, my doctor couldn't get me in for a few weeks. A few weeks?! Hello lady, I can't wait that long. So I totally bailed on my old doc and got myself a shiny new one!

I never went back to sleep after 5:00 a.m. on Thursday. I was too anxious, nervous, excited, afraid, and a zillion other feelings. James looked like a deer caught in headlights. The headlights being fear and anxiety! We got to the doctor at 10:00 a.m., and then had to sit in the waiting room for 20 minutes. The longest 20 minutes of my life! And of course, I'm thinking - did I really see 2 lines this morning? What if I'm totally not anywhere near pregnant and this is all just me being a prego-chondriac? I mean, I have been obsessed with getting pregnant, so I could have imagined it all. Possibly. I really hope not, that would be so embarassing!

We go back to the way back, finally, and I have to pee in a cup. Of course I flip out and am like, I can't pee - I have no more pee! I am supposed to get a blood test, I already did the peeing at home. The nurse assures me that the doctors' have stronger tests than my little EPT, so I go along with it. And ya'll, I'm telling you it was like 3 seconds flat and she says "yep, it's faint but it's there...you're pregnant!" AHHH! So exciting, but lonely because James is in the exam room waiting on me and the doctor. So, we go in there and I tell him "it was right, we're pregnant." More shock and fear on his face. I have the nurse tell him we're pregnant, and after she leaves us to wait for the doctor he says, "I'm not believing any of this until the DOCTOR tells us for sure!" My little pessimist.

The doc comes in and confirms, yes I am pregnant. Four weeks and 3 days to be exact, and our due date is October 30th (but this will probably change). James is still in disbelief, and she tells him at least 3 more times that this is for real and we are pregnant. I am over the moon excited and happy and anxious and happy and anxious and happy....you get the idea.

This all still feels like a dream to me. I woke up today and was like, "Did this really happen?" I literally called James at work twice today to confirm with him that we did in fact go to the doctor and she did say we are pregnant. I am already totally in love with this baby. Seriously, I know that's weird since it's so freaking early - but I am already talking to the little bugger. I figure it's never too early to bond and train your child.

Right now our little lima bean is the size of a tiny apple seed. Isn't that crazy?

I deleted the picture since most of you thought it was gross....we'll go back to pictures when I have sonograms and such!

(or maybe gross, sorry! i'm obsessed with seeing what it looks like each week and you will get to journey with me!)

Blurred Vision

Update on Project Seed Pod - This is an actual email transcript from February 21st:

----- Original Message -----
From: Stacy
To: Miss Breezy
Sent: Thu Feb 21 05:05:25 2008
Subject: ?

So, it's 5am and I just took ept test. Can see very faint shadow of second line which forms the plus. Is this a shadow? Am I seeing things? Does it count?

Argh! I've got 1 first response test left....do I test again @ 7:30ish when I wake up? Will that test be valid since it's less than 4 hours between pee's?

I'm peeing again then to see what it says. Email more later!!

----- Original Message -----
From: Stacy

To: Miss Breezy
Sent: Thu Feb 21 07:11:03 2008
Subject: Re: ?

Second test, same as the first. Faint, but viewable, 2nd line. I made james look at both and he sees it to. Of course I'm upset though b/c his reaction was "go to the doctor. Let's not get all excited until you get official word from the doctor."

Wow, thanks for the love, support and enthusiasm honey. It's so great being married to a rational thinker. Of course the gyno isn't open, and it
won't let me leave a message for some reason.

I think I'm going to call you now b/c I need to talk to someone who will at least say "fuck yeah they're lines. You're eggo is preggo!"

Pickle Me This

Okay, I think I have an eating disorder or something. Seriously, I'm out of control with the cravings. I just ate a whole 16-ounce jar of Kosher Dill Chips. Literally, just now, as a snack. I mean, I've always loved pickles - but a whole jar! That's like 70 dill chips, ya'll! And I cannot lie my friends, I would have drank all the pickle juice too if James hadn't come in and taken the jar away from me.

I bought a pregnancy test today to take tomorrow morning. So, either I'm pregnant or this is the worst PMS ever.

Weird.

Fruitless

All the symptoms, none of the benefits.

• Sore breasts, check.
• Heartburn & indigestion, check.
• Cramping, check.
• Nausea, check.
• Cravings, check.
• Moodiness, check.

I'd get excited if the symptoms for pregnancy weren't the same as the symptoms for menstruation. I guess I'll find out this week.

Vicious Circle

Update on Project Seed Pod, in case anyone cares - besides me. I went to the girly doctor today, so much fun. My cycle has varied from 23 to 32 days - not good. We're going to keep tracking my cycle, and she thinks that things will even out. Apparently she believes stress over the last few months has made my cycle go wonky.

Stress is apparently preventing me from getting pregnant. Stress causes me to eat more, which causes me to gain weight. My recent weight gain is not helping me to get pregnant. I'm stressed because I'm not pregnant. Oh stress, what a wicked web you weave!

The doc won't even discuss infertility issues until August (when it's an official year). Argh, I hate this waste of time and all the waiting. In the interim, I should have sex every other day until mid-month. I should be more excited about that than I am. Instead, it feels like work. Making a baby is just hard work. All this work is making me stressed.

Planting the Seed

So, I have been debating with myself about whether to talk about this on the blog or not. On the one hand, this is my outlet for talking about things that I am excited about, that I am pissed about, that I am anxious about...you get the point. But, to make public my little secret, well that invites lots of commentary - and I'm not sure if I'm ready for commentary. So, as long as you all promise to keep my little secret plan a secret and not chatter too much about it, then I will share and keep you updated on..........Project Seed Pod.

**Warning: If you read ahead, be prepared for talk of girly parts.**

Technically Project Seed Pod has been going on for a few months, but my efforts are intensifying as we go into month 3. Why you say? Well, because I have finally figured out when I am ovulating. So, now I am going in with a game plan:

Step 1: Lots o' lovin over the next two weeks
Step 2: Take daily multi-vitamin
Step 3: Mention nothing to the parents, so that they do not go into over-drive

So, wish me luck! I have been so bummed the last few months when Aunt Flow came to visit. It's so funny, for most of your sex life you are so focused on NOT getting pregnant. Now that J and I have finally come to the decision to go for it, it's the only thing I can think of and of course the thing that isn't happening. It's not like I'm freaking out or anything, it's only been a few months. But I am so excited about being a mom, especially during the holidays. I seriously cannot watch most commercials right now without getting teary eyed. Everything right now is all about family, and it just makes me ache to start making memories with our own family!