Swirly Whirly Brain

Overall, I am relieved to know that I'm not going to be pregnant another 2 weeks and that Ben will be here sooner rather than later. But, I am starting to get a little anxious and the questions are starting to race in my head.

How much will contractions hurt? How long will I have to labor? Am I going to be a whiny wimp or screamy bitch? Will I pass out at my fear of the epidural needle? Will he come out? Will he be healthy and perfect and adorable? What if I have to get a c-section? C-sections freak me out! Will James pass out? OMG I'm bringing home a baby this week - are we ready?! Seriously, do we have everything we need? What if my milk doesn't come in? Similac or Enfamil? How much bigger will my boobs get when the milk does come in? Where am I going to find a bra if they get even bigger? How long will it take to get into a routine of some sort? How long will it take to decipher his cries? Am I spoiling him if I pick him up every time he cries? Will I sleep at all in the next few weeks? How much sleep do I really need to function? How long will it take to lose this baby weight? Will I be my pre-pregnancy size ever again? Will I ever want to have sex again?

Thank god for benadryl! No, I'm not doping myself to sleep! I have a legitimate reason. I have prurigo of pregnancy on my legs, arms and hands...and it is itching me like crazy! I want to literally peel my skin off! The doc says it should clear up after the baby is born...fingers crossed!

It's the Great Pumpkin...

in my belly! Our visit to the doctor yesterday went well, and will be our final pre-baby visit! Wahoo!

The ultrasound showed a very healthy baby boy (still has the boy parts, whew!) who is a little chubby monkey! They are estimating that he weighs 8 pounds, 14 ounces at this point - with a margin of error +/- 1 pound. So, he's been adding on plenty of chub in the last few weeks. In fact, the tech was quiet amused at his belly, as apparently it's measuring ahead by 2 weeks in size - so he's got a little buddha belly on him. Just to see what I mean, here is a pic of his chubby face - look at those cheeks! Don't you just wanna pinch 'em!

And this is the "Woman, leave me alone because I ain't budging. I'm quite cozy in here!" grumpy face, which he gets from his father.

The doc has decided to opt for an induction since Ben's already such a big boy, who clearly doesn't need to bake anymore. We are to arrive at the hospital on Sunday morning around 10 a.m. and we'll get all hooked up to pitocin and see where it goes. I am currently only at 1 cm dilated and 50% effaced, so I have a lot of laboring to do before this little boy makes his entrance. Apparently they want me to be "mentally" prepared to still have a c-section, as the pitocin may not get me where I need to be to have this baby - and she's a wee-bit concerned at his size versus my pelvis. But, I'm staying positive that we'll get through it and not have to opt for a c-section. Either way, he's coming out, which is more important - as long as we're both healthy and happy, that's all that matters. So think happy, pushy thoughts on Sunday for me!

From Zero To...

Zero! Whoo-hoo! I'm carrying the little baby who won't move an inch down towards that exit sign! Don't worry folks, the doc assures me that they won't let me go past November 14th. Really, November 14th? You're gonna let me be miserable another 2 whole weeks past my due date! Thanks. You're so kind.

So, updates on the joys of "week 39":

• Still at 0 centimeters
• Still have a baby who is sitting up high on my lungs
• Still having crampy fun Braxton-Hicks, usually at the 3:00 a.m. hour
• Found new stretch marks yesterday - that was lovely.
• Still can't put on real shoes anymore, so I love wearing flip-flops now that the weather has changed.
• Still need a pedicure (although thanks mom for trying!)
• Still getting up 10+ times a night to pee
• Gained 0 pounds for 2 weeks, then went and gained 5 pounds from Friday to Wednesday. Go figure.
• Still have no idea how "big" this baby boy could be because the doctors enjoy a good mystery
• Still trudging to work and trying to earn a dollar
• Boobs are still growing. I wonder what comes after 42F? Any guesses? Let's all guess when my boobs will stop growing. It's like a perverted Price Is Right game...don't let the little yoddlers fall off the cliff...guess now!
• Still very bitter about having no positive movement towards getting this little baby out of me (although I still love you Benjamin...mommy just doesn't always like you as much.)

So, I go back to the doc on the 30th. You know, 1 day before my official due date. The only highlight is that I get a sonogram, so that'll be neat. Of course that sonogram will help them badly guesstimate the weight of the baby, which could be scary. If I'm dilated at all, then she says she'll strip my membranes. Yeah, that sounds fun and totally not painful at all. However, if I'm not, no worries...we'll go another week and see what happens. It's really so easy-breezy, why on earth would I be upset about the prospect of another 2 weeks. Silly pregnant woman.

More Comments from Auntie & Uncle Floyd

Dear Ben-
All I have to say, is you already sound exactly like your mother and father. Smart, Witty, full of humor, and still down right stubborn. But, now that you mention decorating, we can make this work out for the both of us. However, I am not sure if your consultation with Joe the plumber was the best move. I might win, and you might just be coming out earlier than you thought!
Love,
Auntie Tara
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Ben,
I found great humor in your statement in regards to you reading more than Palin in utero. I have mentioned moving to Canada as well so I will be more than happy to accompany you when you decide to move.
As for remodeling, make sure not to take out any load-bearing walls and you should be ok.
Sincerely,
Uncle Chris

Rebuttal

Auntie Tara,
While I appreciate your point of view, I must say that I disagree with your assessment of my being, as you put it, unreasonable. I am sure that we can come to an understanding as to why I think it is a better option to wait things out. In fact, I may just stay in here as long as possible.

First off, I'm a bit wary of the US economy at this time. The housing market has crumbled, unemployment is at its highest, and the financial markets are just completely out of control. When mommy and daddy watch that irritating Mad Money show, I keep hearing him throw around the term "Great Depression 2." This does not make me feel excited about coming into the world. I do not want to wait on a bread line, even if I am in my super-chic stroller.

Then there's this whole impending election. I think at minimum, I should wait until afterwards to come out. I mean, if the McCain/Palin ticket wins, what kind of world am I inheriting? And honestly, while that Palin woman is hot with a capital H, she also scares the bejesus out of me. I mean, I read more than she does and I'm in utero - what's up with that? I think if they win, I may move to Canada with or without my parents.

Auntie Tara, I hope that helps you understand why I'm staying in as long as I can. Plus, and this is a secret between you and me, I had some construction workers and Joe the plumber in early this morning doing some remodeling. The womb is getting a bit tight, so we're thinking of getting rid of one of the kidneys, knocking down some ribs, and cutting out a bit of intestine. These changes will make it a lot more open. I'm going for an airy, New York loft feel. I hear you're good at decorating, and I'd love your opinion on the wallpaper options I've chosen.

Warmest regards,
Ben

Even Tara Is Ready

Dear Ben,
I really think you are being unreasonable. I mean, you can trick or treat next year. I think you are being unreasonable, that you are hell bent on being a halloween baby. I mean really, Do you want your birthday to always be on Halloween??? Then your birthday will always be smashed together with pumpkin cupcakes with orange icing and spider cupcakes. You will never be able to have any other fun birthday colors. Also, your birthday presents will end up being candy from all your friends. It is much better to come now. Auntie Tara would not lie to you.

P.S. Did I also mention that you will NEVER get a birthday party as you will have to trick or treat on EVERY BIRTHDAY- for like years!!!

love, auntie t-ann

Humpty-Dumpty

PS - Does anyone else think that little baby counter to the right is mocking me? Don't mock me stupid egg-hatched baby!

Fool Me Twice

So imagine you wake up at 3:00 a.m. with what feels like horrible menstrual cramps and lower back pain, you'd think it's labor too, right? Yet again I have been duped by the baby. I stayed up for 4 hours with cramps, back pain, and sore/weak legs! Drinking water didn't help, laying down didn't help, only walking helped. But did those cramps turn into real contractions, no. What is up with that!? Well, apparently Braxton Hicks contractions can get painful and an awful lot like the real thing as you get into this stage. I mean, sure, I love dealing with fake-outs at 3:00 a.m. Do I wake the husband or not? How do I time this if it's just constant pain and pressure? Do I need to poop or throw up? Wait, now I'm hungry. I decided to get up and eat toast and water and just walk around downstairs. Things finally started to subside around 6:30 a.m. and I went back to bed and passed out for a few hours. Now I am late for work, still no baby, and the normal Braxton Hicks are back. All I have to say is that I better be dilated when I go to the doctor on Wednesday. If I'm still at 0 centimeters, I am going to scream (rather than cry, which is what I did last week).

Engorged

In case you were thinking, where is she? Did she go into labor? NO! I'm still pregnant and counting down the days. Everyone keeps saying "It'll fly by..." and I'd like to tell those people to bite me. These last 18 days are horrible. I'm miserable and uncomfortable, and I'm ready for this baby to make his appearance.

Let's all pray that the full moon tomorrow night makes a difference...

Dar She Blows!

So we had our first round of fake-out contractions yesterday. What fun! Basically I was having Braxton-Hicks contractions all day at work, just lots of pressure, no biggie. So while driving home from work and drinking tons of water, all of a sudden my back started to ache along with the contractions and I started feeling nauseous. Then Mr. Benjamin starts ramming his head on my pelvic bone with tons of pressure, so needless to say I called James and made him come home from work. While I was 95% sure it was still just Braxton-Hicks, I also didn't want to be home alone. It's always nicer to suffer with someone else present who can fetch things for you! :)

James came home and made sure I was in bed, on my left side, drinking tons of water. After about a half hour they subsided. Then after dinner, they started back up. No increase in pressure or pain or consistency - so just a big bunch of fakers! James really can't stand that - he's all "WTF? What's this fake crap. How am I supposed to know when it's real?" He's such a worry-wart...so I sat him down with the book from our prepared labor class and made him re-read the differences between false labor and real labor. He's still not happy about the fact that we could do this false labor crap a few more times before the real thing. And hello, neither am I. It's really not fun - totally uncomfortable! Needless to say I didn't get much sleep last night.

So here's hoping lots of water keeps me away from the fake-outs again today.

Here's a pic of me at 36 weeks, and James pointing in fear at my belly.

Tick, Tick, Tick...

Whoo-hoo, 25 days people! Are you freaking out yet? I'm so ready to get this shin-dig started! While I'm not particularly worried or nervous about labor, I am getting anxious about what happens after the baby is here. Am I ready to be a mother? Will I be a good mother? Will I mess it up within the first week? Can I handle it? I'm assuming I'll be asking myself these questions for the rest of Benjamin's life.

*Sigh* The guilt of motherhood has already begun...